I was going to avoid saying anything more publicly, but I’ve realized that’s inconsistent with my own internal logic

I’ve been considering the reaction to the closing of the Patrick Kane case, both my own and that of social media. I was, initially, going to avoid saying much of anything more publicly, but I’ve realized that’s inconsistent with my own internal logic, so here goes nothing...

First, a bit of context: I have spent a lot time in the past few months researching the investigation, and certainly seeking out more information not presented in reputable media. I have read Sedita’s statement and watched two different (similar but with a few salient differences) half-hour interviews with the DA. To anyone mired in uncertainty, I highly recommend watching at least one of the interviews. The statement was fairly informative but the interviews provide context of the allegations, details of the components of the investigation, and clarity as to the DA’s choices in the statement.

In light of that material, I don’t believe Kane committed the crime he was accused of. To continue to think so would require me to believe that the DA’s office was not only incompetent but outright fabricating evidence that contradicted her story, which is a level of pessimism and conspiracy theory that I’m not able to engage with. Having spent several months assuming Kane is guilty, the transition to presumptive innocence isn’t exactly easy on the mind, but the DA has provided far more information than I ever expected to receive. I do not believe this is wishful thinking on my part, as I gave up all hope of being able to personally believe in Kane’s innocence, or retrieve anything associated with him, the day the allegations broke. It was a long period of time in which I spent accepting of his guilt and emotionally detached from the situation, too long for me to believe that I’ve suddenly regressed to irrational fannish desires.

I don’t believe I’m betraying fellow rape survivors by believing he’s innocent. I don’t believe I’m a bad feminist for believing he’s innocent. I don’t believe I’m supporting a corrupt system by believing he’s innocent. When I did accept his guilt, it was never because I knew in my heart-of-hearts that he did it (lacking even the specifics of the allegations), but because it was statistically likely and thus safer for me, and for the complainant, and for fellow rape survivors at large to act in a way consistent with that. I found those who publicly proclaimed his innocence right off the bat and championed continued support reprehensible.

However, I was wary of the more aggressive actions and more definitive statements made by the presumptive-guilt camp, especially those who claimed things as extreme as “false rape accusations never happen!” First of all, that’s simply not true. The 2–8% number thrown around is, of course, questionable in its accuracy but at least not zero. A 2–8% belief in the accused’s guilt and the accuser’s honesty is the safer choice, but it’s not wise to rest everything on that being the outcome, especially in a case like this were we lacked almost any real information for the majority of the investigation. By making the validity of our dialogue contingent on his guilt, we are not doing the cause any favors. It is possible to have a conversation about how individuals and organizations should act, how we should protect victims, how we should support women who report sexual assault to the police (including this one) without relying on the outcome of a single case. Progress for marginalized groups should never rest on the integrity of single members of those groups.

People say they hate false rape claims because they give misogynists ground to stand on and more reasons to hate women and the feminists who defend them. One way we can give them less ammunition is by making it clear that women deserve support in these situations a priority because of the inherent and historical biases in our society and our legal systems, not because women are always truthful. False rape claims are worthy of despair, but they are neither as damaging as men believe nor as rare as women believe. They are only fatal to the cause if we make their non-existence a prerequisite to giving victims — alleged and proven in a court of law — kind and fair support.

I’ve seen it said — and thought myself — that despite the clarity of the resolution of the Kane investigation it is ‘safer’ to publicly act as if and publicly state that you still believe he is guilty, regardless of your actual beliefs. After some reflection, I don’t believe this is true. First, by continuing to say in public something you do not believe, you are causing others to doubt the reliability of their own minds and morals on the topic. To sit there alone while everyone is saying “this in no way proves the complainant was untruthful!” when the DA is explicitly stating that the complainant was untruthful is both disingenuous and damaging to other people’s emotional states and other women’s ability to trust their own intellect and instinct.

It suggests that if you are a good enough feminist, you will believe Kane is guilty, and if you believe he is innocent, you are broken, anti-feminist garbage. I can’t conclude that that is a more helpful approach to the situation than honesty in your conclusions. Silence, of course, is an option available to all of us, but when one side is silent out of fear of retaliation (as many parts of me would like to be), the end result is the same as joining in the vitriol at the other extreme. If you lie somewhere in the middle, unsure and unable to know what to believe, then that too is a valid conclusion and not one worth feeling shame over. If you truly believe he is guilty, as well, then my intent is not at all to silence you, but to welcome you to engage constructively and with recognition that the other side is not an evil demon to be slayed.

The major argument in favor of continuing to believe the complainant’s allegations are true is that it protects rape victims.

This, more than anything, seems utterly and completely false.

Why? If we, as feminists, as decent human beings, as people with hope that we can improve society, want rape victims to feel safe and comfortable and hopeful when they approach the police to report a sexual assault, we want them to believe the DA’s conclusions are correct. We want them to have confidence that their case will not be dismissed for lack of corroborating evidence, and that their allegations will be listened to and respected. We want them to feel that the DA did a thorough, fair job in this investigation, and to understand that it was dismissed because little to no evidence supported the claim and much evidence contradicted it, and that this is not indicative of what they will experience. Rape victims already know it is very difficult to prove sexual assault in a court of law, but we should not be shouting from the rooftops that this case is an example of that, because it is not. If a person is a victim of rape, they should not have to fear that the forensic evidence and the physical evidence will contradict their story, that no witnesses will corroborate salient details, and that no material evidence supporting their claim will appear.

If we keep shouting that the dismissal of this case is an egregious failure of the legal system, we are doing nothing but telling rape victims "We have no hope." I do not believe this is a better option. Changing your mind is a difficult process, but given the evidence presented by the DA, I believe we have a responsibility to undertake it. It might be more comfortable to refuse to consider the information presented, but I do not believe it’s a better option.

I want rape victims to report their crimes. I do not believe yelling at people that they are trash for believing this woman was not raped is going to achieve that.

Do I think we should call the complainant garbage? No. As Sedita says, we do not know what happened, only that the complainant’s version of events did not happen. I have no need to attack a woman whom I do not know, whom I have nothing to do with. Do I think we should have entertained Kane-sympathizing gossip and unfounded rumors? Absolutely not. Does this require me to continue to believe she was truthful in light of the final report on the closure of the investigation? I don’t in any way believe it does, nor do I believe it is helpful to rape victims going forward.

The bottom line for me is this: there are deep problems in society with how we treat rape allegations involving other parties, particularly when the accused is a male celebrity. We must be able to place the needs of victims over our own emotional attachments and our own discomforts. Nobody should be so attached to a celebrity that his fall from grace is tantamount to the destruction of their happiness, but similarly, no single case should be the totality of our argument for progress. Clinging to proven untruths will neither create the progress we are so desperately seeking nor support rape victims going forward.

So, while I understand the facts of the case and begrudgingly agree with the DA's decision, I still do not like the guy and find him to be a reprehensible human being. Nothing will disappoint me more than one of my greatest struggles interfering with one of my greatest loves.

The NHL doesn't care. Especially about women.

The off season started with me thinking that, with the conception of the National Women's Hockey League, that hockey was becoming more women friendly. The hockey culture in this world was progressing towards a place where women can feel safe. The NWHL was finally a turning point in hockey as a whole. 

Don’t fool yourselves. the Hawks DO NOT care about you. They DO NOT care about women. If you were the one in the same situation as Kane’s victim, they would trash YOU just the same. The Hawks aren’t going to hold anyone accountable. They want this to go away. They don’t care about the damage they’ve caused. 

The Hawks had ample time and opportunity to address this. They had the chance to say that, while they would not comment on the current situation, they were against violence against women and wanted to educate their team. The NHL had plenty of opportunities to address the ongoing issue of violence against women in the league and to educate their players, their teams, and their fans. They have chosen to remain silent. The banner raising ceremony only solidified the fact that the NHL and the Blackhawks only care about touting Kane as the face of the franchise.

Now though, I truly believe certain people in the NHL, if not the whole of the NHL, really do not give a shit about women. They do not care about their safety. They do not care about them at all. The NWHL went from being an amazing opportunity to feeling like one of the last safe spaces women have in hockey.

The NHL has let me down.

The Hawks have let me down.

And some of my favorite players let me down.

They.

Don’t.

Care.

A note on Raffi Torres...

People, without fail, will always neglect the role the team plays with players like Raffi Torres. Three years ago, I as much as anyone, wanted the man shot into the sun. But when he first went to the Sharks he did get better and I gave him credit for it. Take note of how this happened immediately after a large shakeup in Sharks management. Take similar note to how Matt Cooke did get better until he went to Minnesota.

If the team is going to play them as goons, they are going to be goons. It’s not that difficult of a concept. If they are going to get better, than the responsibility to make that happen falls on the organization. Take for example Matt Cooke. They worked with him to whatever extent was necessary and it paid off. When he went to the Wild, it fell apart because they decided they wanted from him was his old self.

I am not going to defend Torres, but I am going to point out that every single time this issue comes up no one is willing to speak out about the culture that allows it to happen at both the team and league levels. It’s not going to stop until that culture changes, and example-making suspensions are as effective at doing so as the TSA is to making airplanes safe.

Also, if you’re the type of person who just waits for a certain player to make a mistake so you can be outraged and holier-than-thou, you are part of the problem.

Being a female sports fan

Why do guys seem to think females watch sports for attention or to “fit in?”

I don't know about you, but I would not watch my beloved team lose game 7 of the Western Conference Final just to impress a guy. I would not watch them miss playoffs by a single win just to fit in. I would not put my self through the heartbreak of a shootout loss just to stroke your ego. I could not stand watching them slip down in points to the point of never having a chance at playoffs just for the off chance you might be decent in bed.

Guys need to understand that sports were not created just for them.

Why men think they're the only person in this world who can sit on the internet all day and tweet about whatever game you're watching is beyond me. But oh no, god forbid a knowledgeable female sportsfan tweet about it. Obviously “they sound stupid and know nothing.” The only reason a woman would make any sort of post about a sport is to try to garner attention for our fake sports knowledge. Hate to break it to you guys, but we don't watch sports to impress you. We have much better things to do. Like watching sports. Because we love them. And not giving a fuck about what you think about it!

How dare you think I only watch things and find an interest in anything just for you? Do you really think I keep up with the Corsi and the Art Ross for your benefit? Does hockey honestly mean so little to you that it is nothing more than an easy way to get laid? Do you really think I keep tabs on these children in the AHL for your benefit? Would I keep a constant watch on teams I loathe and hope they win just for the slim chance my team could finally make playoffs just to impress you? Isn't it possible I follow offseason trades and free agency for my own enjoyment (also read, heartbreak)?

Are you planning on staying up and keeping tabs with the newest upcoming trends when New York Fashion Week rolls around? Do you plan on going through the latest Spring lines for Marc Jacobs and Jimmy Choo with me to make sure we're still classy and stylish? Does being with me mean that you're going to take up a keen interest in Ansel Adams? Have you suddenly developed a sudden desire to travel through time and space in THE blue box? Are we going to have heartfelt debates about the injustice towards Slytherins?

No? So what makes you think I'll rearrange my interests to cater to you? If I, the girl that honestly thought someone had scored a touchdown at a baseball game, am interested in a sport, could it possibly be because I'm actually interested in a sport? Maybe, just possibly, I actually do know just as much, or possibly, the horror, maybe more than you.

The number of times when I’ve surprised guys with my knowledge of sports is insane. Whether it’s hockey or soccer I’m perfectly capable of holding a conversation about my teams. I'm more than willing to even rip someone a new one when they dis my sport.

These men are always shocked that I, a girl, am so into hockey and actually knowledgeable about it. These men are just dumbfounded that I have no interest in them, Who knew,

And god save any person, woman or man, that feels they can insult my Stars.

Dallas Stars Casino Night 2015

Wednesday was the Dallas Stars 16th annual Casino Night. I had such an amazing time last year, I knew that I wanted to go again. Not only is it fun to spend the evening dolled up and with the players, Casino Night is a wonderful event that raises thousands for the Dallas Stars Foundation. The people behind Casino Night do an amazing job. Outside of the games themselves, this is probably my favourite event the Stars hold.

Last year, Katie and I met at Casino Night. It was only sensible we spent our friendiversary together. 

Cody Eakin is just a lovely person

Curtis McKenzie and Brett Ritchie opted the Harry and Lloyd look

My favourite Frenchie, Antoine Roussel, is a complete gentleman 

Tyler Seguin didn't really like Katie and I giving him a hard time... I think he'll live

As usual, I make some sarcastic comment, but Ryan Garbutt didn't seem to mind

Our baby Russian Valeri Nichushkin should be back on the ice soon

Jason Spezza, a true gent.

I am a hockey addict

There is no other sport that can make me emotional like hockey does.

Hockey gives me something to believe in. I believe in my team. Even if we’ve lost 9 games in a row I believe in these boys. I believe in my goalie that he can stand on his head. The feeling you get when there’s an unexpected hero. The knowledge that the entire league will stand together in solidarity in the darkest of times will get you through a loss more devastating than that which happens on the ice. 

Hockey is more than just a sport. It is the reason you get through the day. It is the moments in hockey, the ones that take your breath away or keep you on the edge of your seats, that makes you watch every game, makes the chills run through you. It is the final shoot out. It is the Cup being lifted. It is the family you create with other fans, the fellow season ticket holders, the watch parties, the conversations as you all stay up for that West coast game. 

Hockey is the feeling when your team scores a goal or wins in overtime or a heartbreaking loss or they’re on a losing streak. The smile on my face when my boys play a great game or when they advance in the next round of the playoffs. The holiday greetings from players that turn into hashtags and t-shirts. The inside jokes and nicknames within the league, The betrayal when a player is traded to that team. 

I am an addict because there is nothing like when I see the crowd jump up and cheer when we score. When we stand together in a silent arena as a beloved player's number is retired to the rafters. When I listen to the captain speak to the crowd when they clinch that playoff spot after a six season drought. When I hug the strangers next to me when they win that first playoff game at home - because we aren't strangers anymore. 

Yes, sometimes, it hurts to be a fan. Sometimes it doesn't help you escape life. During the playoffs, it becomes your life. A loss for your team is devastating. Watching a favorite player crash into the board and see his leg snap sickens you. When, despite the grit and determination and the fight the players have through the game, and they still get slaughtered, it hurts. When you stay up until one in the morning and know you have to drag yourself to work on only a few hours of sleep, you question your own sanity. When a player with a heart problem goes down on ice, there's nothing to do but cry with the other fans in the arena. 

We are a hockey family. We would prefer to stay in on the weekend because we wouldn't miss any game. We wear our jerseys proudly, even if it is 110 outside. We are the people that are more likely to cry over a playoff elimination than a breakup. We are the family that will watch old games in July because we miss the game. We love the the blaring goal horn and the crack of that slapshot. We love the smell of the ice. We love the chill in the air, even if it is snowing and icy outside. We love the knowledge that this is home. 

There is nothing else like hockey. That is why I love it.

Fall in love with sports

Go fall in love with sports. Any sport. Pick a sport, pick a city, pick a team. Now fall into a deep, passionate, intense, enriching love with it and never let go. Everyone should know what it feels like to be dedicated to something so grand and special in which they have no control. As fans, we have zero say in what happens. We don’t determine the next play, we don’t get to decide that the next pitch should be a fast ball, we don’t construct who is on what line together in order to ensure that the perfect players are on the ice for the game winning goal. All these facts, these extremely key components to any team and sport is beyond us. All we can do is sit on our couches, or buy tickets to sit in an arena seat and pray the game goes our way that day.

There is something so romantic and rewarding about being so invested in a team. It’s a community, it’s a family. There is instant camaraderie among fellow fans. The quickest way I’ve made friends with people is by liking the same sports team as them. You both have this unifying common knowledge, as well as an understanding of the other’s love for the game. It is instantaneous and not needing of words. An important friend has just been made because you can relate to the faithful love that is necessary to be committed to a sports team like that. I've even met some amazing people simply because we like the same sport, but opposing teams.

Jimmy Fallon said it best in his movie “Fever Pitch.” It’s a love story of a man, and a woman, and the Red Sox. He has an undying, overriding passion for the Red Sox, which I completely understand. But it’s in a time when not only had the Red Sox managed to screw up every chance they got to be the best, but his obsession was scaring away all interested women. He meets a smart, beautiful woman and as they get to know each other, he beings to reveal just how strong and committed his obsession is. In a conversation about loving the Red Sox, he says, “I like being part of something that’s bigger than me-than I. It’s good for your soul to invest in something that you can’t control.” And I couldn’t agree more. Even when all circumstances around him, mainly his girlfriend and fellow game goers who felt as if the season is going down the toilet, he triumphantly defends them. “…the Red Sox never let you down…That’s right. I mean – why? Because they haven’t won a World Series in a century or so? So what? They’re here. Every April, they’re here. At 1:05 or at 7:05, there is a game. And if it gets rained out, guess what? They make it up to you. Does anyone else in your life do that? The Red Sox don’t get divorced. This is a real family. This is the family that’s here for you.” I have felt the same way. Even in being awful and having a losing season, where all hope is lost, they are still there. They will always come back in the fall. There will always be another game, another season to look forward to. Even in letting you down, they will never can truly let you down.

Sports bring people together. You all gather around a TV or the computer or in the outfield bleacher seats and you create this unique experience. You’re having a moment with each other, with fellow fans, and with the team. There will be other games with other teams, but this one is yours and that’s so special. Sports move people. There is a palpable anxiety and excitement in the air during a close game, and an uproar of joy when the game winning goal or run or point has been scored. You feel moved to jump and clap and sing and practically kiss the people next to you because you feel as if together you have conquered something, even though you haven’t. When the unfortunate event of a lose occurs, you have each other for support to get through it.

I was raised to be a sports fanatic. My mother grew up in Brazil and was indoctrinated with their love of soccer early in life. A passion that was passed on to me as a child. One of my closest friends would marry Tom Brady if she could, despite that she doesn't even like guys. Every birthday and Christmas since I found the NHL, I’ve asked for Stars tickets. Part of my identity is being a sports lover. My friends know what’s going on when they hear my screams of elation and desperation. I wear my Dallas Stars pride on my sleeve. Coworkers know who to come to with any hockey or Stars related question. So many people think that I’m over the top, and too invested in something that does seem to matter. But it truly matters to me.

Everyone should have that. Everyone should feel the undying, deeply rooted love that comes from putting your whole self into a sport and a team and a community. It is magical, inspiring and moving to sit anonymously in a crowd and know that thousands, even millions share the same love you do. 

I'm not that girl

I’m not that girl who always has her eyebrows perfectly plucked. I try standing in front of a mirror for hours attempting to pull every last determined and stubborn hair. I really do. But my eyes start watering and my tweezers are the cheap kind you buy from a corner store for less than a dollar and after an hour or so I can barely lift my arms. And then I get distracted by my cat on the counter because I'm too ADD to focus for that long on something so boring. They’re bound to be uneven and I’ll just find another wild hair a day or two later and my bangs hide the left one (thankfully) anyway.

I’m not that girl who pays her bills on time. I can’t remember which ones are automatically deducted and which ones I have to call in and which ones will only take a check in the mail. I lose track of days or try to stretch dwindling funds in my bank account over weekends and, honestly, I secretly crave the adrenaline rush that hits when I need to make a payment by 5:00 and it’s 4:45. I can’t afford to go skydiving but I can afford this.

I’m not that girl who wishes for white picket fences. Beautifully placed lawn ornaments and a treasured swing tied to the front tree and two barking dogs excited to welcome me home has never sounded ideal. Weekly calendars and consistent to-do lists and monthly homeowner meetings fill me with dread where a sense of accomplishment should be. When things are positioned perfectly and cleaned exquisitely and sparkling just right, I get nervous.

I’m not that girl who’s always put together. I will say the right things at the wrong time or the wrong things at the right time or nothing at all when I should be saying all the things all the time. I won’t always drink too much but when I do I will be a mess. I won’t always cry but when I do it will be hard for me to stop. When eating dinner on a first date I will likely spill on the shirt I spent  an hour and a half picking out. I’ll laugh and call myself a klutz and consider it a fair warning.

I’m not that girl who knows the simple rules. I will clean up tomato juice with a hand towel and put sharp knives in the dishwasher and wash cold glasses in scorching water. I’ll try and fight oil fires with water and I won’t know that cold water actually boils faster and that the middle rack in the oven is for baking, not broiling. I’ll overshare too early and tell the truth during a job interview and constantly wonder how I missed the handbook to life everyone else seems to have read cover to cover.

No, I’m not that girl.

I’m that girl who knows the top three NHL's’ stars of the week, top scorers, best AHL teams, and alma maters. I’m that girl who knows that Ernest Hemingway preferred to write while standing up and met J.D. Salinger during World War II and had three members of his immediate family commit suicide. I’m that girl who wears two different colored socks and regularly misses a button on her cardigan and prefers to have her hair pulled instead of softly twirled. I’m that girl who forgets birthdays but not a deadline and can’t see the floorboard of her car but keeps her inbox perfectly organized and would rather buy new clothes instead of do her laundry.

I’m that girl who’s opinionated but open minded and stubborn but laid back and fierce but quietly breaking. I’m that girl with a spinning head and a wild mind and a hunger that is never fully satisfied.

I’m that girl who still hasn’t figured out what kind of girl she really is.

I hope I never do. 

Casino Night 2014

Eric Cole was such a sweetheart

Kevin Connauton helped me win my first round of Black Jack

Daley isn't too bad in person

New StarsFam!!

Brendon Dillon is taller than i expected

My favorite Frenchie, Antoine Roussel!!

My ginger ninja, Cody Eakin

Tuesday was the Dallas Stars Foundation's annual Casino Night. Not only is it raising money for a great organization, it's also a lot of fun. You have the chance to meet the players, meet new people and get all dressed up for a fun night out. Having never gone before, I was really looking forward to it and have been eagerly anticipating it for several weeks (and I had a pair of kick ass Jimmy Choo's that I was excited to wear).

It was an amazing night, even though it started off pretty terrible (but that's for another post). I've never gambled so I was pretty sure I would lose everything, but Kevin Connauton did his best to make sure I won as many rounds of Black Jack as possible. What a sweetheart. I did meet someone that I've seen at several games and my #StarsFam just keeps growing. I also realized that my favorite angry Frenchman isn't nearly as tall as I thought he would be. The only downside was when some drunk asshat fell/ran into a sign and me which was pretty awful. I did spend the last half hour getting checked out by paramedics and the cops because they were worried about a concussion. That was pretty crappy and a bit painful. But my favorite ginger ninja kept me company for a little while which was incredibly amazing and very sweet.

All in all, it was absolutely amazing and I had an amazing night. I can't wait to be able to go again next year! 

Weekends with Jess are the best

This weekend was pretty amazing. Not just because I got to see the Doctor Who 50th anniversary special or watch the Stars, but because one of my closest friends, Jessica, was in town. And I got to take her to her first hockey game.

 

She got into town Friday night and she was actually really excited to "go hockey-ing." Despite having no idea what was going on, she was a great sport about the whole experience and got into giving some of the Rangers fans around us a hard time for rooting for the wrong team. Jess might have had absolutely no idea what icing was or why people were "put in time out" or even what the "Standing Cock" was, but she had a great time.

 

And then we met a couple guys that had two extra seats. Behind the Stars bench. So she got to get really close to the action.

Saturday we spent the day at the Kimbell Museum and got to go through their brand new Piano Pavilion (which opens to the public this weekend). We also went through the Picasso and Matisse exhibit that is on loan from the Chicago Museum of Art. Both of us were really excited to see the exhibit but we were totally blown away by the extensiveness of the entire show. It was art that spanned almost a hundred years and at least fifty different artists. If you all haven't seen it, I highly recommend you do because it was just amazing. After a stop at the always amazing Museum of Modern Art, we did end up parting ways so she could spend some time with her family here in Dallas.

It was great to see Jess again and be able to catch up on the past few months. Sometimes, its nice to be able to just spend some time with a friend that has stood by you through so much without judgement and not even have to talk about some of the major changes in your life. Sometimes its nice to just watch movies, drink wine, "go hockey-ing" and look at art.

Its also good to know that the next time she's in town I'll have someone to keep me company when I finally go get my first tattoo.

O Captain! My Captain!

I've known that the Stars have been shopping our captain, Brenden Morrow, for several months. I knew that there was no intention to resign him if he did manage to stick with the team through the end of the season. I knew this was going to happen.

That doesn't mean I'm any happier about the fact that he's now gone.

I know that Morrow really hasn't been his best. Any time your captain is demoted to fourth line, you know that its only a matter of time. He's been with the team for what seems like forever. He's been a staple of the team. He's one of the last Stars that I avidly cheered for when I saw my first Stars game six (seven?) years ago. Ott's gone, Ribiero's gone, Modano is gone, Turco is gone... The players that I loved watching are all leaving. Even though they were only here for a single season, it still sucked to hear that both Souray and Burish were traded. If I hear anything about rumors for either Loui or Jamie getting traded I'm just going to give up on actually liking individual players.

And I'm really going to miss our captain.

I may not remember the Morrow's entire career here in Dallas, but I do know that Morrow has been great for Dallas. Even though the past several years he's been plagued with injuries (what do you expect when you're starting to creep closer to 40 and you play a physically demanding sport), I think he's had a great presence. He's given everything to this team. And to this city. He's fought well, he's played well, he's given everything he had and then some for this team.

As much as I'm sad to see him go, I think we all know that it is time. Fans can't help but criticize him ruthlessly whenever he makes a mistake. We've all been disappointed that our captain has been playing on the fourth line. And, though I've never had the chance to ask him personally, I'm sure the negativity from fans that he's given everything to isn't easy to take. I know I've made my fair share of comments on the lack of points from our captain, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate everything he's done. I'm sure the constant comments that he's past his prime can get tough to hear.

And even though I knew he wasn't going to stay in Dallas, its still sad to hear that he's leaving.

And what makes this entire situation worse is that he's going to a team that I absolutely hate: the Penguins.

But I do wish all the best for Brenden. As much as I would hate to see the Penguins win the Cup, I wouldn't hate the fact as much if he were on the team.

I won't say good luck to him, but I will wish all the best and thank him for everything he has done for this team.

Whirlwind weekends are actually kinda nice

This past weekend has been insanely busy. Since Austin's birthday was Friday, we spent a lot of time going out and spending time with his parents and actually doing stuff. Maybe it wasn't that busy, but for someone that's recently become quite a homebody, it was.

Friday night, we went out with his dad to Max's Wine Dive. If you haven't been there, you should definitely go. The food was amazing although I was pretty disappointed with the service. How can you be a wine anything and yet your servers can't tell you anything about the wine list? They didn't know prices or even if there were certain wines on the list. I do think that they are actively trying to improve because they know the service is sub-par. After dinner, I actually sent them a tweet in regards to the service and how I was disappointed. Much to my surprise, they actually responded and we had a "twitter-sation" about what I felt like they needed to improve on. It was nice to see that they actually wanted to know what was wrong and how they could fix it. Even though I was disappointed with the service, I really appreciated them coming back to me and trying to figure out what they could do better next.

Saturday after five hours of dance and a nap, I took Austin to see Lucero. We've both been fans of Lucero for a long time, and it is great to see them getting the notoriety they deserve. They're an amazing band and one of the bands that I will always go see if they're in town, no matter where they are playing. I was a bit disappointed with Trees, though. While it is great that Lucero can sell out a 600-person club, it really sucks when the club oversells the concert by about 150. By the end of the night it was way too packed and uncomfortable. Maybe the next time they come through town they'll go somewhere like the Granada where the wont crowd start leaving halfway through their set because they can't stand to be in the club any longer.

I really enjoyed the opening act, J Charles and the Trainrobbers and was interested to hear that they're going to be opening for American Aquarium when they come through town in a few weeks. Prior to this show, I'd never heard of J Charles and the Trainrobbers so I really didn't care about the opening band. But once they started playing... They're amazing. Not only is their music great, but they also put on a great show. Too many opening acts really neglect that aspect, their music may be decent but they don't know how to put on a show and get the audience interested in them. I really think they will work well with American Aquarium, that should be a great show.

Sunday, Austin and I went to our first Stars game of the season.Even though they ended up losing, it was still a lot of fun and we both enjoyed being back at the AAC for hockey. I think I'd really forgotten how much I love being at the game and the atmosphere there. Since it was an almost sold-out game, the energy in the stadium was great. As for the game itself, well... I think its time for Raycroft to sit out and/or head down to the AHL to get his confidence back up. I've also noticed that the defense really takes for granted Kari and let a lot of shots through that Kari can save but Bachman can't. They need to be able to step up their game when KAri is out (like he currently is). And what happened to all of our goal scorers? I feel like Benn and Erikson and Jagr have been all but invisible lately. While I'm thrilled that the fourth line is producing, why does it seem like that is the only line producing? The Stars were lazy and sloppy through the first period, amazing during the second, and played like shit for the third. A little consistency would be nice...

I guess I should really stop before I start ranting too much about the Stars...

All in all, this was a great, albeit busy, weekend. Sometimes its nice to have your schedule shaken up. I've really gotten into the habit of dance and homework on Saturday and homework and cleaning on Sunday and I really haven't been as social as I probably should be. It was nice to be able to go out all weekend (but I'm really looking forward to a much quieter weekend this week).

Could there actually be a hockey season?

Sunday morning I woke up to find twitter abuzz about something that I actually found interesting. It wasn't some pop-star was pregnant or a new Justin Bieber or One Direction song. This was something that was actually important. The NHL and NHLPA have come to an agreement and there's going to (finally) be hockey again!!

After my initial "Oh my god! It's finally happened! Hockey's back!!" I began to really look at this new deal. And, technically, there's isn't any signed deal yet that has been approved. So, hockey technically isn't back yet. But it's return is imminent. Every time I see a tweet or post about the return of hockey, I have to try not to get too excited since, you know, it isn't official yet. Everyone seems to assume that just because it's been drafted, it is automatically going to happen. People seem to be forgetting one little fact: The NHL Board of Governors has yet to agree to this deal.

The Board of Governors isn't supposed to meet until Wednesday, so I'm not making plans to watch any hockey until I hear an announcement from them about the return of the season. I'm not going to have my heart ripped out once again if they decide to toss this deal. It really wouldn't surprise me if they did. Sometimes I feel like been a hockey fan is more heartbreaking than being a fan of Sherlock. Everyone gets really excited because the NHLPA and the owners are meeting only to have no deal. Then they meet again and say they're close to a deal only to come back with nothing. And now they actually have a CBA (that could be in place for ten years!) and all it needs is the approval of the Board of Governors.

And while I am glad that there might actually be a season, I wont be planning to spend any of my money on going to a game or purchasing any jerseys or other merchandise. I know that my small amount really is nothing but a drop in the bucket, but I'm still not going to spend money on hockey. I'll be more than willing to watch the games at home or at a friend's house or at a bar, but I wont be spending my money to go to the games. While there are some people that are saying they're completely done with hockey and won't be going back, I find that attitude to be a bit ridiculous. Yes, I'm mad that they've subjected me to this much football and basketball talk since there is no hockey. Yes, I am mad that they've really put a strain on those that work at the stadiums, for the teams and those that work around the stadiums. But I still love hockey. I plan on going to games next season, but not nearly as many as I had been. If both the players and the owners don't value the fans (which they have both shown with their selfishness), then I can find ways to enjoy hockey without spending as much money as I had been. If they don't value the fans, why should this fan give them my money.

Anyways, enough of my ranting. Hockey might be back! Yay!

I am beyond fed up with the NHL and the NHLPA

The NHL is facing its second lockout in ten years. This is going to be absolutely detrimental for the sport. Yes, people will still like hockey, but this is really going to destroy the momentum that has been built up. What frustrates me more than the fact that there is going to be a lockout (anyone who says otherwise is delusional) is the reaction of the owners, the players, and the fans in this situation.

I understand that owners want to retain the majority of their profits. Why should players be able to get 57% of profits? This number is astronomical! When you see some of the deals that were made when players were traded (10-year deals to Minnesota, anyone?) you can see that there needs to be a stop to this. What company allows their employees to have more than 50% of the companies profits? This is just greed from the players. I understand that the players are the ones out there on the ice game after game, but the owners are the ones that fund the teams, create publicity, make players the face of a team. The owners are the ones that put in all the work behind the scenes. There needs to be serious concessions from the players.

Another thing that is really bothering me about the negotiations is the fact that owners cannot, by law, talk about what is happening. But you know who isn't? Players. And oh are they ever so vocal right now. Some players have even made statements that they don't think owners are as well informed. No, maybe you've taken a few too many hits... They aren't allowed to talk about what is happening so the public doesn't get each person's opinion. The fact that players are now extremely vocal about everything means that fans everywhere are losing sight of the fact that this could have all been avoided months ago when the realignment and new CBA was proposed months ago (before playoffs even started). The NHLPA shut it down and it is due to them that we're looking at another lockout.

And, really, fans? How you be so blind? Just because you love the sport doesn't mean you need to back the players 100% or the owners 100%. Both sides are being ridiculous and need to really sit down and come up with a deal. Maybe its time for a lock-in, lock-in everyone in a room and don't let anyone out for any reason until they come to a compromise. And for the love of all that is hockey stop calling for boycotts. This is just insane. If there is a lockout, yes, I'll be pissed because everyone involved is too big-headed and greedy to back down a little but I'm not going to stop watching hockey. I've made a promise to myself I wont be buying hockey tickets for the next year, but that is my own personal protest (and I just bought a house so that cuts into my hockey budget). I'm still going to watch as many games as I can. If I'm given tickets I'll gladly go, but I'm not buying tickets. If you love hockey, a lockout isn't going to get you to stop watching it. It might make you reevaluate how much money you're willing to give them for a while.

Lastly, I really wish sports in general would think about other people involved. Last year when the NBA was locked out, I know that there were several bars right by the AAC that really struggled due to the loss of revenue from people going down for the games. Sports teams everywhere need to take into account that a lockout and a strike is going to affect the people that work in restaurants and bars surrounding the stadium, the people that work in the stadium, the cops that work those events, the list goes on! When I think about the fact that franchises are willing to jeopardize these people's lives just to save themselves a few million dollars, that probably pisses me off more than anything. Not everyone affected by lockouts is a millionaire. There are more everyday people affected than there are millionaires.

I want fans and players and owners to realize that the approach they're taking now is obviously not working and it is leading everyone to be furious over the situation. They're screwing over each other and themselves. No one wins in a lockout and the fans and employees in the arena and surrounding bars are the ones that really suffer.

What is next for the Stars?

A few months ago, I wrote a post about the fact that the Dallas Stars needed to make some changes. Well, it looks like they've started to make some pretty big ones by trading some of the well known players.

Saturday, Ribeiro was traded. Sunday, Souray and Burish got traded. And yesterday, Ott and Pardy got traded. Anyone that has known me for any amount of time can attest to the fact that I love these three players. Ott has been my favorite Stars player since I started following hockey. So, seeing him be traded (and to Buffalo, ugh) is just heart breaking.

But, maybe this could be good.

I'm not sitting in on the Stars' management meetings, so I haven't the faintest clue what the big picture is for the start of the season. I would like to claim that I know the direction the team is going and all of that, but I don't. And unless you're part of the Stars' management, you don't know either. The talk is that the Stars are going for a younger line in order to really develop the team. And, let's be honest, Ribeiro, Souray, Burish, and Ott aren't exactly young anymore. Then again, a few players we acquired aren't exactly young either.... But I'm going to hold judgement on whether or not these were good moves because I haven't seen our new team play together. I don't know what is to come. Maybe this is exactly what the Stars need in order to finally bring the Cup back.

And really, if the Stars can bring the Cup back, who is going to be criticizing these moves? That's right, no one.

Also, last night everyone got all upset when Ott had the absolute audacity to say something along the lines of the fact that he's looking forward to working in Buffalo. Really? Really, people? Just a few hours ago everyone was bemoaning the fact that Ott was leaving and how much we all loved him. Then suddenly, he says that he's looking forward to starting fresh and he's the devil? Really? You've got to be kidding me people. I'm just as upset as everyone else that he was traded, but I'm not going to begrudge the man for doing his job.

Now, can someone please confirm that Benn is getting his contract renewed??? I don't think I could stand it to see him get traded. At least Eriksson has a contract through the 2015-2016 season...

NHL Playoffs: Round One

And the End has Come

Well, a few days have passed since it was official that the Stars would not be making it into the playoffs yet again this year and I now feel like I can talk about this with a (fairly) clear head. I've heard several people talk about the fact that they're disappointed in the team because they didn't make the playoffs, but I'm of a different mind. I'm very proud of this team.

When the Dallas Stars opened the season in October, the team was going through the midst of bankruptcy proceedings and had no owner. The complete future of this team was up in the air. There was even talk about the team leaving Dallas altogether. With all of these doubts about the future of the team, it was pretty much a given that the Stars wouldn't do anything of consequence this season.

And yet, amazingly, the team went into November leading the entire NHL in points. This ragtag bunch of no-names managed to lead the entire NHL in points within the first month of the season! All with no owner and still in the midst of bankruptcy and with no future to speak of! How could any fan doubt this team's heart and drive at this point?! As the season progressed, the captain went out of commission for several months and the team lost several very important games. The team lost all of the footing they gained and greatly looked forward to the All Star Break when they could take some time to recoup. During the All Star Games, the entire NHL network was exposed to one of the team's biggest stars, Jamie Benn. After the All Star Games, the team was amazing, winning game after game and landing themselves a solid place leading the division. It seemed certain that the Stars were finally going to make it into the playoffs.

But, sadly, the Stars also have a habit of breaking down in the final weeks of the playoff push. This habit wasn't ready to be broken yet. And it happened. The team crashed and burned out.

Yet, I've grown quite tired of hearing people criticize the team and calling for the resignation of everyone of consequence for the team. Really? The entire coaching staff should be let go because teams that are better staffed beat the Stars? People honestly feel like the management needs to be cleaned out because the team didn't get to the playoffs? Do people just completely disregard the fact that Ryder and Souray and Benn and Fistric and Nystrom have all had amazing seasons like they've never had before. And really, you're going to continue to bitch and moan about this team when they just played their final game of the season and lost against a team that is one of the best teams in the NHL with 6 players that were called up from the AHL and this was a 2-3 loss? You're disappointed with that loss?

Just looking at all of these amazing things this team did this season, I can only watch and wait impatiently and wait for October to roll around. Big things are in store for this amazing Dallas Stars team in the coming team. With dedicated players, an amazing new owner, brilliant leadership, this team is going to do amazing things.

So all of you nay-sayers out there can just shut it.

Computer Deaths and NHL Hits

I give a quick recap of my computer and talk a bit about the hits that have happened in the NHL lately. I watched both the Keith hit to Sedin and the Doan hit to Benn. Since Doan was a repeat offender, I understood and agreed with the fact he received a three game suspension. As for the ruling against Keith, I think that giving him a five game suspension is ridiculous. This is his first time to do something like this, why give him more games than Doan? Because Sedin is a big name for the Canucks. It's preposterous.

It's Time for Changes in the Stars

Well, the NHL is more than halfway through the season. Tonight, the Stars are scheduled to play game 54 of 82 against the Buffalo Sabres.

The last time I wrote a  piece about the Stars was barely a month into the season. The Stars were leading the NHL in points, they were winning games. There were major goal scorers and the entire team was fighting to prove themselves. Players like Jamie Benn, Loui Eriksson, Brenden Morrow, and Sheldon Souray were making game changing plays. Even though the ownership of the team was still unknown, the team was making huge progress from the season before. Glen Gulutzan, the new Stars head coach, had created great lines and had made this group of players into a real team.

Oh how the times have changed...

The star players for this team have faded into the background lately. While Jamie Benn is great, he hasn't been as good as he was. Even after the boost of the All Star Games, Benn really hasn't been producing for the team like everyone thought (and still thinks) he should.Loui Eriksson has been all but invisible on the ice lately.Does anyone remember the last time Eriksson actually scored a goal? The captain, Brenden Morrow, hasn't even been in most of the games lately due to injuries. And for a while, any game he was in Morrow was getting more penalty minutes than shots. Sheldon Souray went from scoring and having goalies in fear of the Wonderbomb to the fans wondering why he's afraid to touch the puck. And these aren't the only players that have faded, the entire team has become lackluster at best.

Going into tonight's game, I really do worry about the Stars' hopes of making the playoffs. As it stands, the Stars have not won a single back to back game. Currently, the Stars are 0-7-1 in back to backs. That would be a total of 15 points that have been lost in back to backs alone. The Stars have another five back to backs left in the schedule, if things stay the way they are everyone can just count those ten points as lost. The Stars still have a game against the Red Wings, one game against the Blues, four games against the Canucks, and two more games against the Sharks. That's eight more games against the teams that hold the top four places in the Western Conference. If there aren't some major changes soon, the fans can be guaranteed another year of not making the playoffs.

I've heard a lot of different opinions from friends and fellow fans about changes that need to be made to the team. I've heard that the Stars need to trade Morrow, something that can't be done because of his no trade-clause with the Stars. I've heard that the team needs to trade for one of the top players, but if there's any hope of getting a game changer the Stars would need to give up someone like Benn or Eriksson. I've heard that Benn just needs to start scoring more, but he's still young and he's been amazing for a kid that's only 22 he's been amazing. I've heard that Gully needs to start putting the Nystrom line against other teams' top lines, but this really wouldn't work if this line stays the way it is. The  reason the third line was able to score against other teams is because they were up against other teams' third or fourth lines. When this line has been up against first or second lines, they've given up a lot of goals.

It seems to me that there are more reasonable ways to make changes in the Stars and see improvement. Why doesn't Gully actually switch up the players in the lines? It seems like he's picked out who is on which lines and refuses to make changes unless there's an injury. If you were to make big changes (like putting Nystrom with Benn) what would happen? The team needs to make changes and see who could work better with other people. The Stars also rely heavily on the goalies for most of the games they play. If the only factor stopping the other team from scoring a goal is Kari or Bachman, there needs to be a serious talk with the rest of the team. You can't depend on your goalie to stop every shot. There needs to be effort from the rest of the team as well. I've also noticed a heavy tendency for a lot of the players to play defensively instead of offensively. I don't see a lot of shots being taken. It's pretty simple, really, if you don't take a shot, you will never make the goal. So when the Stars are shooting half as much as their opponents, there really isn't much of a chance to win the game.

Every fan saw the potential that the Stars have at the beginning of the season. I know that the Stars could have made the playoffs this year if they had played consistently. Maybe not everyone will agree with me about how to make changes, but we all know that something needs to change. And soon. Even when they are losing, I'll always root for the Stars, they're my team and always will be. I just really hate watching the Stars lose. And this is a sentiment that I know I'm not alone in.

Does anyone really care about the Cowboys??

I'm absolutely sick of hearing about the Cowboys. Every night on the news, there's talk about the Cowboys and why they lost and who is injured and who has warrants out for their arrest and who sucks more than usual this week and who is more of a diva this week than last... I'm tired of it.

I can concede the fact that most of the sports coverage is going to be about football, this is Texas and I'm not deluding myself with thinking that Texans care more about hockey than football. But the fact that the nightly news always have a segment about the Cowboys seven days a week and they only play one of those days is not acceptable. The Stars are never mentioned in the nightly news and very rarely mentioned in the weekly sports wrap ups that most channels have on Sundays.

What are the stats for the Cowboys this year? Are they a winning team? Or are they even a decent team? No. Their record thus far is 3-4, not a very impressive start by any means. The win yesterday over Seattle? Big deal. Why are we supposed to celebrate a team that loses on a regular basis on the rare occasion that they pull out a win? And this win was against one of the worst teams in the NHL this year. Seriously? Big deal. It's not even the fact that they're just having a bad start, either. The Cowboys are consistently bad. In 2010, their win-loss record stood at 6-10, 2009 held them at 11-5, 2008 was a dismal 9-7. Really? This is the team that you all cheer for? This is the team that gets all of your sports coverage? Really, Dallas? Really?

I could live with most of the coverage being about football as long as there was some mention of the Stars. Sunday night, sports coverage consisted of  the Cowboys, college football, highschool football, NASCAR and Motorcross. Did no one realize that the Stars are 10-3? The Dallas Stars are the first team this season to win 10 games. Does this not consist of something news worthy? Does the fact that the Stars picked up a the scraps from other teams and have created an AMAZING team mean nothing? Sheldon Souray spent several seasons with the Oilers and the Stars picked him up and we now have an amazing defenseman that can also score goals! What about the Stars that have been on the team that are now just on fire?! What about Benn, Erikson, Ott, Morrow? Do these players mean nothing to Dallas? Does the fact that the Dallas Stars are first in the Western Conference mean nothing? What about the fact that with Glen Gulutzan as the new head coach of the Stars we're actually playing as a real team and showing playoff promise??

I'm not going to be so naive as to think that Dallas will ever care as much about hockey as they do about football, but let's not forget that we have a great team. This is a team that I think will do great things this year. Dallas, get your priorities straight. You have a fantastic, winning team with amazing players. It might be a good idea to start paying a little attention to them.