Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
A Loss of Innocence
As children growing up on a military base, especially a base that was just a few miles from the Pentagon and only a few months after the 9/11 attacks on the nation, my friends and I felt like there couldn’t be a safer place to be. It was quite common for us to spend our evenings after school outside, running around the neighborhood without a thought as to the safety of ourselves. When spring would come, we would all spend the days just enjoying the weather after being cooped inside for months. All it took was one night to change our innocent, naïve view of the world and our protected environment.
One spring night, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, their fragrance wafting in the early spring air. My friends and I, none of us older than eleven, were spending the evening after school laying on the front lawn going over our homework. At least, we told our parents we were doing homework outside even though none of us could stay focused on the text books in front of us for more than a few minutes. All five of us were glad to finally be able to spend some time outside since it had been a typical DC winter ad we couldn’t be outside for fear of freezing for more than a few minutes. We were enjoying being able to lounge around outside in the fading light, looking forward to whatever our moms were making for dinner, watching the military personnel arrive home. We would laugh about school, complain about how boring life was, discuss who was going to be moving where next. It was our favorite way to waste the evening before we were dragged inside and actually had to do our homework. Car after car pulled into our cul-de-sac which had seven duplexes and four separate quadplexes for the military personnel. Fathers, mothers, aunts and uncles all were arriving home for the night. Just another typical, quiet evening on the base.
Then, we saw our neighbor, a young woman who was always willing to help us with any homework problems we had, speed into her garage ad come to a screeching halt. She was the woman our parents had keep track of us, we weren’t being babysat at this point in our lives, when they were out for the night. This woman always cooked up the most delicious meals for us whenever we were having a study session, again, not being babysat. Even for me, a vegetarian, she would create the most delicious meals. A second car pulled up behind her and a man jumped out. It looked like our boring night was starting to get interesting. We could see the couple starting to argue, we also recognized that the man she was arguing with was her boyfriend. This was one of the few couples on the base that didn’t argue, we knew this was out of character. As we inched closer, eager to find out what was causing this normally docile couple to be fighting, words were starting to drift over to us. She was screaming at him at this point, her shouts told us that she had broken up with him recently. Tears started to fill her ocean blue eyes, I wanted to give her a hug like she did on all the nights that I had go to her crying.
Before we even had a chance to register what happened, the boyfriend had pulled out a gun. Tears were streaming down her face and she was shaking in fear. She barely had time to choke out a sobbing “Please..” before he pulled the trigger. I had never seen someone die before, she crumpled to the ground, like she had only had the wind knocked out of her. From the blood that was quickly pooling around her chest and onto the cement, I knew that was not the case. I didn’t realize I screamed, or maybe it was one of my friends , but the man looked at us and noticed us for the first time. Never before have I seen such sad, lost eyes before. He had given up all hope. After giving us a sad smile that told us that he knew of unspeakable things that we children would never understand, he turned the gun on himself. And then he pulled the trigger. For the second time in my life, I saw a person’s life leave them. The light left his eyes just as quickly as the blood and brain matter left his other temple.
After a few hours of talking with the police and my parents and the parents of my friends, I was allowed to go inside. I wanted to cry about the fact that I had done nothing to stop what happened. I wanted to scream about the fact that I still couldn’t quite understand what I had witnessed. I wanted to yell about the injustice of it all. I wanted everyone to stop asking me questions. No, he did not threaten us. No, I had no idea he was violent. How would I know any of these things? I thought we were supposed to be safe here! This was our home! People didn’t kill each other on a military base. This sort of thing happened on civilian properties. Not here.
After a few days, people stopped asking about the incident. After a couple weeks, people had forgotten about her completely. After a month, a new person had moved into her apartment. When we would pass her building even in the coming months, the stain on the concrete never faded. It was as if she was reminding me, all of us, of what happened. She was reminding us that even though everyone else had forgotten what happened, it had stained our lives. Just like the concrete, we would never be the same. Just because everyone else had forgotten her, I never did.
One spring night, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, their fragrance wafting in the early spring air. My friends and I, none of us older than eleven, were spending the evening after school laying on the front lawn going over our homework. At least, we told our parents we were doing homework outside even though none of us could stay focused on the text books in front of us for more than a few minutes. All five of us were glad to finally be able to spend some time outside since it had been a typical DC winter ad we couldn’t be outside for fear of freezing for more than a few minutes. We were enjoying being able to lounge around outside in the fading light, looking forward to whatever our moms were making for dinner, watching the military personnel arrive home. We would laugh about school, complain about how boring life was, discuss who was going to be moving where next. It was our favorite way to waste the evening before we were dragged inside and actually had to do our homework. Car after car pulled into our cul-de-sac which had seven duplexes and four separate quadplexes for the military personnel. Fathers, mothers, aunts and uncles all were arriving home for the night. Just another typical, quiet evening on the base.
Then, we saw our neighbor, a young woman who was always willing to help us with any homework problems we had, speed into her garage ad come to a screeching halt. She was the woman our parents had keep track of us, we weren’t being babysat at this point in our lives, when they were out for the night. This woman always cooked up the most delicious meals for us whenever we were having a study session, again, not being babysat. Even for me, a vegetarian, she would create the most delicious meals. A second car pulled up behind her and a man jumped out. It looked like our boring night was starting to get interesting. We could see the couple starting to argue, we also recognized that the man she was arguing with was her boyfriend. This was one of the few couples on the base that didn’t argue, we knew this was out of character. As we inched closer, eager to find out what was causing this normally docile couple to be fighting, words were starting to drift over to us. She was screaming at him at this point, her shouts told us that she had broken up with him recently. Tears started to fill her ocean blue eyes, I wanted to give her a hug like she did on all the nights that I had go to her crying.
Before we even had a chance to register what happened, the boyfriend had pulled out a gun. Tears were streaming down her face and she was shaking in fear. She barely had time to choke out a sobbing “Please..” before he pulled the trigger. I had never seen someone die before, she crumpled to the ground, like she had only had the wind knocked out of her. From the blood that was quickly pooling around her chest and onto the cement, I knew that was not the case. I didn’t realize I screamed, or maybe it was one of my friends , but the man looked at us and noticed us for the first time. Never before have I seen such sad, lost eyes before. He had given up all hope. After giving us a sad smile that told us that he knew of unspeakable things that we children would never understand, he turned the gun on himself. And then he pulled the trigger. For the second time in my life, I saw a person’s life leave them. The light left his eyes just as quickly as the blood and brain matter left his other temple.
After a few hours of talking with the police and my parents and the parents of my friends, I was allowed to go inside. I wanted to cry about the fact that I had done nothing to stop what happened. I wanted to scream about the fact that I still couldn’t quite understand what I had witnessed. I wanted to yell about the injustice of it all. I wanted everyone to stop asking me questions. No, he did not threaten us. No, I had no idea he was violent. How would I know any of these things? I thought we were supposed to be safe here! This was our home! People didn’t kill each other on a military base. This sort of thing happened on civilian properties. Not here.
After a few days, people stopped asking about the incident. After a couple weeks, people had forgotten about her completely. After a month, a new person had moved into her apartment. When we would pass her building even in the coming months, the stain on the concrete never faded. It was as if she was reminding me, all of us, of what happened. She was reminding us that even though everyone else had forgotten what happened, it had stained our lives. Just like the concrete, we would never be the same. Just because everyone else had forgotten her, I never did.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Just a quick heads up
I've realized that pretty much every essay I've had to write for my Composition course has had a lot to do with the death of friends, family memebers, and even random people. This either means that I immediatley think about death when given a prompt or that I've encountered a lot of death in my life. Neither option is really all that great.
The next essay I've been assigned is supposed to cover an accident. For my essay, this will cover an accident I saw several years ago. This was a very gruesome and bloody scene, so I haven't decided on whether or not to publish this once I am finished. I guess I really wont be able to decide that until I've actually finished it, so that is an issue I will deal with in the coming days.
I have also written two other essays I'm not sure if I should publish or not. One deals with the horrors on 9/11, everything from the day of until I actually saw the remains of the Twin Towers. I decided not to publish that mostly due to the fact that I did recently post about 9/11 (not even a month ago) so I thought it would be a bit redundant to post about it again. I may post it in a few months, but I highly doubt it. My other essay is about an incident I witnessed as a child when I was growing up on a military base. Again, this is about the death of a few people. I'll post that one in a few days.
Really, I just wanted to give you all a heads up that the assignments I've been given aren't exactly cheerful (at least, this is my taken on them). I'll try to at least put a few other things up in between my assignments so this blog doesn't get too depressing, even something simple like a song or two in between posts. I'm also thinking about possibly posting some of my artwork and photography in between posts just to give a little variety.
Yep, so that's what you all have to look forward to. Music, art and photography to break up the otherwise depressing nature this blog might turn to.
The next essay I've been assigned is supposed to cover an accident. For my essay, this will cover an accident I saw several years ago. This was a very gruesome and bloody scene, so I haven't decided on whether or not to publish this once I am finished. I guess I really wont be able to decide that until I've actually finished it, so that is an issue I will deal with in the coming days.
I have also written two other essays I'm not sure if I should publish or not. One deals with the horrors on 9/11, everything from the day of until I actually saw the remains of the Twin Towers. I decided not to publish that mostly due to the fact that I did recently post about 9/11 (not even a month ago) so I thought it would be a bit redundant to post about it again. I may post it in a few months, but I highly doubt it. My other essay is about an incident I witnessed as a child when I was growing up on a military base. Again, this is about the death of a few people. I'll post that one in a few days.
Really, I just wanted to give you all a heads up that the assignments I've been given aren't exactly cheerful (at least, this is my taken on them). I'll try to at least put a few other things up in between my assignments so this blog doesn't get too depressing, even something simple like a song or two in between posts. I'm also thinking about possibly posting some of my artwork and photography in between posts just to give a little variety.
Yep, so that's what you all have to look forward to. Music, art and photography to break up the otherwise depressing nature this blog might turn to.
"Love Rhymes With" - Jeffree Star
Monday, October 10, 2011
Another busy couple of weeks!
The past couple of weeks have been absolutely crazy! I feel like so many things have happened since I last wrote a post, but I guess that's what happens when life gets in the way of blogging!
A couple weeks ago (Have I really not posted an update in several weeks?), I went down to Austin to celebrate my birthday on 6th Street in Austin. Austin (not the city, my Austin) and I have been planning on going down there for several years for my 21st and it just so happens that one of our favorite bands, Lucero, was going to be making a stop that weekend. We got down there for lunch and promptly started to work through a few pubs in the first few hours of our arrival. We (well, Austin) thought it would be a good idea to go back to the hotel and sober up a little before the show. Apparently "sober up" actually means "drink at the hotel bar for two hours" because that's all we managed to do. And then, finally, it was time for Lucero! Obviously, we spent several hours before they went on drinking with the band members. I'm not exactly sure how, but over the course of the three hours we were there, I manage to get five shots from bartenders, the band and random people for my birthday. By the time we managed to stumble out to meet up with Brent and a few other people, I was quite drunk.
The night starts to get a little fuzzy at this point... We went to a few bars that Brent recommended, having gone to UT he knew the places to go. One of these bars I got what is known as a "Blue Hurricane". Yes, Brent, I remember that. Pretty much, they give you a shot of something that was actually quite tasty and (shockingly) blue. After that, they throw water in your face. Not cool. After a couple more drinks and another shot, we went to another bar or two, but that's really the extent of my memory from that night... From what I remember, it was a great night and I had a ton of fun. I also know that I will never be taking five shots and drinking upwards of fifteen drinks in one night. I have been told that this is the one night that I am allowed to get that drunk and not feel too bad about it, so I guess I did it right!
Last weekend, Austin and I went to the Dallas Stars Opener against the Chicago Blackhawks. I made the smart decision to take the day off so I would finally be able to get my license changed over to my married name (I know, I really let that wait too long). Austin and I went down to Victory Plaza to get a couple drinks as well as to watch the crazy fans in for the UT/OU game. For those not from Texas, apparently this is a very big deal. For those of you that have been reading my blog for a while, you know that this game means less than nothing to me. This weekend means that a bunch of crazy football fans are in town, causing unnecessary traffic, sporting their team colors and bragging about the fact their team is better.
But anyways, I digress...
The game was pretty great, mostly due to the fact that it was a Stars win! It didn't hurt that the game was extremely intense and we actually have a great goalie in the net (unlike the following night when we had Raycroft in...). One of the highlights was seeing Benn, a player that is sure to be one of the top NHL players, check a Hawk into the boards making the glass shatter. Another highlight was seeing Ott back out there, being as awesome as he was last year.
I must say I am quite dissapointed in the Stars. Due to school and ballet, I'll only be able to go to weekend games. This means that Austin and any of our friends that we usually take to games will only get tickets from me for games on the weekends. I have noticed that until January, there really aren't a lot of games the Stars are playing at home on the weekends. Really? How do you plan to build the fanbase when you're not making yourself available to be seen by fans? A new fan is not going to go out of their way on a weeknight to go to a game. A weekend game? Sure. Weeknight? No way. And if the Stars suck later in the year, why would people pay to see a losing team that they're still not a big supporter of? Whatever, I guess that's just how the schedule worked out this year. It doesn't mean I have to be happy about it though!
Well, that is pretty much everything that's been going on in my life lately. School is still keeping me busy, and I will continue to put up my essays. Ballet is getting tougher since Mlle. Angela knows that I have really gotten a lot better. In preparation for the Exams in January, I've also decided to start taking an extra class every week. Class, ballet, work and attempting to keep a social life is exhausting! But this is the environment I thrive in!
Until next time!!
A couple weeks ago (Have I really not posted an update in several weeks?), I went down to Austin to celebrate my birthday on 6th Street in Austin. Austin (not the city, my Austin) and I have been planning on going down there for several years for my 21st and it just so happens that one of our favorite bands, Lucero, was going to be making a stop that weekend. We got down there for lunch and promptly started to work through a few pubs in the first few hours of our arrival. We (well, Austin) thought it would be a good idea to go back to the hotel and sober up a little before the show. Apparently "sober up" actually means "drink at the hotel bar for two hours" because that's all we managed to do. And then, finally, it was time for Lucero! Obviously, we spent several hours before they went on drinking with the band members. I'm not exactly sure how, but over the course of the three hours we were there, I manage to get five shots from bartenders, the band and random people for my birthday. By the time we managed to stumble out to meet up with Brent and a few other people, I was quite drunk.
The night starts to get a little fuzzy at this point... We went to a few bars that Brent recommended, having gone to UT he knew the places to go. One of these bars I got what is known as a "Blue Hurricane". Yes, Brent, I remember that. Pretty much, they give you a shot of something that was actually quite tasty and (shockingly) blue. After that, they throw water in your face. Not cool. After a couple more drinks and another shot, we went to another bar or two, but that's really the extent of my memory from that night... From what I remember, it was a great night and I had a ton of fun. I also know that I will never be taking five shots and drinking upwards of fifteen drinks in one night. I have been told that this is the one night that I am allowed to get that drunk and not feel too bad about it, so I guess I did it right!
Last weekend, Austin and I went to the Dallas Stars Opener against the Chicago Blackhawks. I made the smart decision to take the day off so I would finally be able to get my license changed over to my married name (I know, I really let that wait too long). Austin and I went down to Victory Plaza to get a couple drinks as well as to watch the crazy fans in for the UT/OU game. For those not from Texas, apparently this is a very big deal. For those of you that have been reading my blog for a while, you know that this game means less than nothing to me. This weekend means that a bunch of crazy football fans are in town, causing unnecessary traffic, sporting their team colors and bragging about the fact their team is better.
But anyways, I digress...
The game was pretty great, mostly due to the fact that it was a Stars win! It didn't hurt that the game was extremely intense and we actually have a great goalie in the net (unlike the following night when we had Raycroft in...). One of the highlights was seeing Benn, a player that is sure to be one of the top NHL players, check a Hawk into the boards making the glass shatter. Another highlight was seeing Ott back out there, being as awesome as he was last year.
I must say I am quite dissapointed in the Stars. Due to school and ballet, I'll only be able to go to weekend games. This means that Austin and any of our friends that we usually take to games will only get tickets from me for games on the weekends. I have noticed that until January, there really aren't a lot of games the Stars are playing at home on the weekends. Really? How do you plan to build the fanbase when you're not making yourself available to be seen by fans? A new fan is not going to go out of their way on a weeknight to go to a game. A weekend game? Sure. Weeknight? No way. And if the Stars suck later in the year, why would people pay to see a losing team that they're still not a big supporter of? Whatever, I guess that's just how the schedule worked out this year. It doesn't mean I have to be happy about it though!
Well, that is pretty much everything that's been going on in my life lately. School is still keeping me busy, and I will continue to put up my essays. Ballet is getting tougher since Mlle. Angela knows that I have really gotten a lot better. In preparation for the Exams in January, I've also decided to start taking an extra class every week. Class, ballet, work and attempting to keep a social life is exhausting! But this is the environment I thrive in!
Until next time!!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
"We Used to be Friends" - The Dandy Warhols
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