This was a Fabulous Weekend!

This past weekend, Austin and I went to the ballet in Fort Worth. A few months ago, Austin had gotten me tickets because he knew that I really wanted to go and he wanted the first ballet that we to together to be great so he also spent several weeks looking into which ballet to go to. After much thought, he decided that we would go to the Texas Ballet's production of Dracula. Since it was originally written by the producer of the Fort Worth ballet and was taken everywhere (even Broadway) Austin thought it would be great for our first ballet.

The production was held in Bass Hall in Downtown Fort Worth, a building which in itself is a beautiful work of art. Since it was in Fort Worth, Austin also decided to get a hotel in Sundance Square so we could grab dinner and drinks beforehand. I have never been to Sundance Square before, so it really was quite an enjoyable experience. The hotel we stayed at was really lovely, and being downtown, we didn't have to worry about driving around. Because the hotel was downtown, we could walk around and enjoy the beautiful weather we had this past weekend. And, any time you're going to be drinking it's just nice to know you don't have to worry about driving.

Dinner was at a great Italian place, Taverna. It is a fairly new Italian pizzeria and risotteria that I don't think would hold more than 200 people. Taverna has a very intimate setting because it is a smaller restaurant. The wine selection was much better than most places, mostly because it is a higher-class Italian restaurant. Now, the important part: the food. We started with a bruschetta and it was absolutely delicious. Since we were both hungry, maybe that was that the reason we thought it was so great. By the time dinner arrived, we had both eaten enough to be able to actually decide how good it really was. I decided to order one of their risottos because this was a risotteria, a risotto con capesante. This a was a risotto with artichokes, roasted grape tomatoes, lemon confit, pan seared diver scallops, and pan juice. Austin went with fettucine frutti di mare, a fettucine with shrimp, mussels, clams & scallops tossed

in a brandy crustacean cream sauce. I can't speak for Austin, but my dish was divine. The scallops were large and perfectly cooked, the risotto was creamy and full of flavor. I've noticed that a lot of places tend to cook their risotto rice beforehand and then just throw in everything else that is going to add to the risotto. Taverna did not do this. The flavors worked amazingly together. Dessert looked delicious, but by this point we were stuffed and knew we wouldn't be able to really enjoy it. Maybe next time we'll stick around for dessert... I know we'll be going back and I would suggest any of you do, as well.

We spent about an hour and a half walking around Sundance Square enjoying the night and each other's company. With the stress of the past couple months and everything we've been dealing with, it was nice to just be able to get away from it all. We did find a little bar, Durty Murphy's. It was a fairly quiet little pub with an Irish theme and great music playing. The bartender was great and the drinks were good, it was a really nice place to have a couple drinks before the show. We did meet a couple of people there that were really great and we had a lot in common with. We even exchanged numbers and might do something in the future.

The ballet itself was absolutely amazing. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect with a story like Bram Stoker’s Dracula and was very interested to see how it would turn out. Austin... He was just going to try and make it through because he knew how much I was looking forward to it. The dancers were just amazing, I don't think they ever missed a mark in the entire two hour show. I know that even if I were to dance every day for the next ten years I still wouldn't be as good as those girls. The story itself was beautifully translated without a word ever having to be spoken. The dancers were able to draw in the entire audience and it was a magical feeling. Since the Hall was completely sold out, there was a very intimate feeling, even though there were thousands of people in the entire building. It felt like this theater was the only place in the entire world.

After the show, Austin and I went out to the Library for a few drinks and finished up at Durty Murphy’s. Austin was surprised with how much he actually did enjoy the entire show. His opinion was that because it was more of a “modern” ballet he was able to enjoy it, I just think it's because he's never given it a shot before. After a few drinks, we walked back to the hotel. It really was a great night and a wonderful way to be able to get away from our lives and the stress we've been living with. Also, I was able to get a pair of pointe shoes that one of the dancers used in a show, signed! I know I'll be putting them, as well as our tickets and program and pictures, into a shadow box to have on display.

Since I know Austin enjoyed it, I know we'll be able to start going to more ballets together in the future. I can't wait until we can go to another one!

NEDAwareness Week

February 26 - March 3, 2012 is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

In order to do what I can to help raise awareness, I'm going to be posting a piece I've been working on later this week. This is a cause that is very close to my heart because it is something that I have dealt with and many friends have dealt with. If there are any of my readers out there that need someone to talk to, I am here for each and every one of you. I always felt like I was completely alone and there was no one that could possibly understand what I was dealing with. So I never wanted to talk to anyone about what I was thinking and feeling. I never wanted to talk to other people because I thought I was the only one that dealt with an eating disorder in my circle of friends.

I can't offer any medical advice, but I can listen to anything you all would like to say. Sometimes, the hardest part is finding someone that you can trust to open up to and that you feel like understands. I am here for each and every one of you. Don't be afraid to talk, I will always be here to listen if you need me.

I Didn't Think I Would Have to Deal with This

I really wasn't planning on talking about this today, but after I got home today and saw a message from an anonymous person, I felt like this needed to be addressed. I've never understood the need to send someone something as terrible as the things that were in the little message I got today. I've especially never understood the reason you would say these things and then not have the guts to own up to what you said.

I'm willing to talk about a lot of the struggles I've been through in the hopes that it will help someone else. I want people to know that they are not alone in their battles. Other people have fought these fights. When people take the struggles I've been through and use it as a way to try and get under my skin, I just pity these people. If I had received these messages a year ago, it would have really upset me. Now, I just feel bad for people that carry around so much hate inside.

I know I am not the only person to be attacked through social media. I know that this happens to hundreds of thousands of people. I know that this should not be happening to anyone, anywhere. If any of my readers/followers are ever unhappy with something I wrote or say, always feel free to contradict me or correct me. But, please, don't send me terrible messages asking for me to kill myself.

Instead of getting upset or taking this message to heart, I'm just going to look at it this way: I have never been important enough in anyone's life for them to take such time out of their life to send me such a long message explaining why they hate me; I really must be starting to make it now!

Also, on a completely separate note, I have a new shirt in this video!! I got it here from DFTBA. It's from the famous Youtouber Alex Day and it incorporates two of my absolute favorite things, Doctor Who and Harry Potter!

This is a story about a girl, a boy, and a very troubled couple.

There once was a girl, Alex. She was very happy with her boyfriend. They had an unconventional relationship that most people would frown upon; it was a fairly open relationship with no strings attached to their outside partners. Alex and her boyfriend were happy with this set up and it worked well for both of them. They knew that as long as they were spending their nights together and their weekends with each other and they loved each other so things would work out, despite the fact that most people would not understand what their relationship was about.

Then, Alex met Charles.

Charles had moved into the city that Alex was in and was working in the building she had been working in for the past two years. Charles and Alex had several similarities and had a lot of fun together. They were able to take time to laugh with each other and vent about work and even make fun of the others hockey team. When Alex's boyfriend was out of town, she spent nights with Charles. When Alex's boyfriend was in town, they kept most of their contact at work. Alex even helped Charles with his girlfriend back home, even giving him the suggestion of what to send his girlfriend for their five-year anniversary (five dozen red roses, one for each year, delivered to her place of work). Charles would listen to the problems that would crop up in Alex’s relationship and tell her how terrible her boyfriend was.

Then, they started to move past being just friends. When Alex's boyfriend was out of town, she wouldn't just go to dinner with Charles; she would end up staying the night with him. Eventually, he started to develop feelings for him and she for him. Instead of just sending emails about an interesting band or an intriguing movie, they started to open up to each other. He began telling her more about his family and his hometown and his past. She slowly began to open up to him, a fact that he never really knew was a great feat. Charles told Alex how much her boyfriend didn’t appreciate her. He told her constantly how much better she could do. Alex was very insecure so being complimented constantly and told how she could do better was a very nice change. Her boyfriend didn’t ignore her, but they had been together for quite a while so he didn’t compliment her like he used to. Even though Alex and her boyfriend were happy, Charles told her he was ignoring her and that her boyfriend was taking advantage of her.

You see, Alex was a very closed person. She grew up in a family that was not very close or very loving. She grew up in the type of family that would terrify most people. She learned to keep things to herself; Alex learned to lock herself away. Alex would paint and draw and photograph and write in order to express herself. But she would never show true emotion to those she didn't trust. And Alex did not trust many.

Alex trusted her boyfriend; he knew all of her secrets and all of her past. He knew about all of the terrible things she had lived with. He knew all of the terrible things she had to live through. He knew about the trials she had endured and the life she had chosen to lead. Alex truly trusted him. It took several years for her to open up and be herself around him, but it had happened.

When Alex began to open up to Charles and tell him little details about her past, he didn't ever realize how special that was. She would take time out of her extremely busy day to spend time with him. Even though she was supposed to be dedicated solely to her boyfriend, she found herself split. But so did he. He began to express a deep love for her, something that she refused to take to heart. Charles began to speak of a future between them. He talked of trips they would take and holidays they would spend together and homes they would share and museums they would visit and concerts they would go to and sporting events they would cheer for. And slowly, ever so slowly, Alex began to believe him.

Alex was a little confused because he continually expressed his love and yet he would never say when exactly he would be leaving his girlfriend. Charles would always tell her that he was just going to break things off the next time he flew up to visit her. As soon as he sold his house that he used to share with her, it would be over. She was also torn because she did still love her boyfriend. But, not surprisingly, they had started to fight.

Her boyfriend began to say that she was no longer coming home to him. He said her thoughts were always with another. Alex profusely denied this fact because she didn't realize just how true it was. Alex began to see their once amazing relationship began to turn sour but she didn't see the reason why. She was hurt that things seemed to be falling apart and saddened to see the man she loved pushing her away. Only, she was the one pushing him away. And by only noticing the fighting, it drew her closer to Charles and therefore only worsened her problems with her boyfriend.

Then, one day, Charles's girlfriend called Alex. She was not only confused by this fact alone, but confused by that fact that she was telling Alex that she was making Charles's decision for him to stay faithful. This was not Charles's decision; he was allowing his girlfriend to make it for him. Even though she was a little hurt by this news, she saw that this girl was obviously a bit crazy if she was going to search through her own boyfriend's phone and call up a person she didn't know and make someone else's decision. So Alex knew that when Charles was back in town on Monday, things would be different.

But, they weren't. Charles sought out Alex and told her he was going to stay with his girlfriend but he still wanted to be friends. Since Alex did value his friendship, she agreed this would be best for both of them. Apparently, Charles had different friends because he was careful to get them back to the state of their relationship prior to “the incident” and was just a lot more careful about things when he went home. Charles was obviously not close enough because his girlfriend was constantly calling and texting and emailing him to make sure he was not spending time with Alex.

At this point, Alex was just very confused about where she stood. Her own relationship with her boyfriend was falling apart because she spent the majority of her time talking to or thinking about Charles.  She was too blind to see that her own preoccupation with a relationship that seemed to be perfect in theory was taking away her focus from a real relationship. Alex was so wrapped up in the image that Charles had drawn for her that she didn't even stop to question whether or not he was honest. He had convinced her that they were eventually going to be together. Charles continually told her how bad her current boyfriend was to her and how much better he would be for her. He told her how he didn’t love his girlfriend at all. They were perfect for each other. All that needed to be done was for both of them to end both of their other relationships in a peaceful manner.

Months passed in this fashion, Charles hiding (and failing to hide) the fact that he was still attached to Alex. Alex continued to watch her relationship with her boyfriend die, and she did nothing to stop it. Charles continued to build up an image of their future relationship and the life they would have together. Charles continued to tell Alex about the faults her boyfriend had and the problems his girlfriend had. Charles was adamant about the fact that his girlfriend and he were in a doomed relationship and it was going to end soon. He continued to talk about how terrible of a person she was. Yet, he continued to put off breaking up with his current girlfriend.

Then, he moved her down out of the city she was in. But that was only after she told him she wasn't going to be moving at least five times and changed her mind every time. But, she moved down nonetheless. And spent quite a lot of time following every form of social media that Alex had. This girlfriend was also not very careful about making her own presence known, so Alex knew she was being virtually stalked. It made her uncomfortable, but she knew she wasn't afraid of anything that she was posting in these online outlets.

When Charles's girlfriend began to contact Alex and her own boyfriend, Alex felt like things were going too far. Because of the fact that Charles was forced to stop contacting Alex, even while they worked in the same building, Alex thought her increasing interest in Alex's life was a bit bizarre. Alex tried to ignore this and just get on with her life. Charles made it perfectly clear that he was choosing his girlfriend even though he knew she would never trust him and she would always be suspicious and she would never forgive him. He also told Alex that the relationship he was in would not work because they were only together out of fear of being alone. Because they had been together for so long, it would just be too difficult to separate at this point. Charles knew all of these things and told all of these things to Alex yet he had made his choice. Alex could only accept this and try to move on.

But moving on wasn't as easy as she thought it would be. Especially when Charles would continually stop into her office just to say hi. He was spending more and more time in her office to talk about things that he really did not need to consult her coworkers about. Even though she was trying to forget everything that happened, he wasn't letting her. So she decided to confront him. She told him how angry and hurt she was about the whole mess that they had been. She was hurt about the way he had left her promising to end things with his girlfriend and only returned to say that he was staying with her.

All he had to say was that he was sorry.

Alex and her boyfriend had completely fallen apart. They were at the point that they were going to be going separate ways after the Christmas holidays. It had been decided, he was hurt that she had given up. She was hurt by Charles and only saw the downward spiral of her actual relationship. They had both come to the conclusion that they would be better off going different ways after the holidays. Charles kept Alex updated up until he was flying home for the Christmas holidays about just how jealous his girlfriend was. She was continually searching for reasons to fight with him. He was only going to stay with her until the end of the semester and then she would go home.

Before Alex and her boyfriend went separate ways, Alex had a doctor's appointment. At this appointment, Alex found out that she had cancer. This caused Alex and her boyfriend to take a step back and realize what they had been fighting about wasn't really that important. They quickly realized that they still loved each other quite a lot and wanted to make it work. They realized that they wanted to be there for the bad times as much as the good. In a way, the cancer found in Alex got rid of the cancer that infected their relationship.

In the next two months, Alex and her boyfriend had a relationship that began to heal. They had to rediscover what exactly they had and why they were with each other in the first place. They still fought and by no means were things perfect, but they were getting better. Both Alex and her boyfriend forgot about Charles and his girlfriend. They were forced to remember them on the occasions that she would force her existence to be known by making herself known on one of their social media accounts. However, for the most part, Alex and her boyfriend were getting better.

On the day that Alex was set to have her cancer removed, her boyfriend drove her and she felt like things were really back on track. With something as terrifying as cancer to deal with, she knew that there would be few people willing to stand by her when she was dealing with such a difficult and trying thing. Both Alex and her boyfriend quickly realized what their real priorities were.

About a month later, Alex got the news that she was not, in fact, cancer free. She was faced with the decision about how to deal with this news. Alex was dealing with serious problems at work and trying to figure out a way to transition cleanly to a new position in a new place. Alex was also dealing with working through the stress of college and taking classes and balancing it with work and ballet and create a social life. Alex had quite a lot on her plate. When Charles stopped into her office one day to see how she was doing and found out she was looking for a new job, he seemed a bit disappointed with this news. He also asked her about the music that she was listening to; Alex had a knack for finding new music that usually was pretty great. Alex wanted to share the band that she was listening to so she sent Charles an email with a link to the band’s website.

The next day, Alex’s boyfriend received several messages from Charles’s girlfriend. She was apparently threatened by the thought that Alex had the audacity to send Charles a single email. An email about music. After the troubles that Alex and her boyfriend had gone through, Alex was furious that this girl was trying to cause trouble over nothing and could potentially ruin all of the progress they had made. Alex’s boyfriend was furious that this girl even had his phone number and was trying to contact him when he had no desire to have this poison in his life anymore.

Apparently, Charles and his girlfriend had forgotten that Alex’s boyfriend’s father was a very powerful man. Alex’s boyfriend wrote up an email that he was going to send to his father and had Alex proofread it before it was sent. It would get Charles not only fired from his current job, but it would also make Charles unhirable. Alex told her boyfriend to hold off on sending his father the email for now. Even though Charles and his girlfriend didn’t deserve it, she was going to give them one final chance to get out of their life.

Alex also realized several things after being contacted by this shallow little girl. She realized that Charles really had no backbone. If he was not able to stand up to his girlfriend and talk to her about what she was doing, he was obviously not the man Alex thought he was. Alex realized that Charles was in a completely unhealthy relationship. If Charles was letting his girlfriend go through his phone and text messages and showing up at his place of work to check up on him, this was obviously not a healthy relationship. Alex also realized that Charles’s girlfriend was never going to move past what had happened. She would never forgive Charles and she was always looking for reasons to fight with him. This girl was just a very sad, shallow girl. Alex also realized that she threatened this girl. Despite the fact that Alex no longer wanted anything to do with Charles.

After realizing all of these things, Alex was more confident in her relationship with her boyfriend. She had someone that would stand up to her and challenge her. She was with a man that had forgiven her and was moving on. She was with a man that trusted her, despite the bad things that had happened. She was in a relationship that was stronger for all of the troubles and trials it had been through. Alex was with someone that was helping her to be a better person and wanted her to be happy. This was a relationship that was growing and stronger and getting better every day. Alex felt silly for ever thinking that Charles would be able to actually offer her any sort of fulfilling relationship or future. Alex even laughed at the fact that both Charles and his girlfriend were still dwelling on something that meant nothing to Alex and her boyfriend. Alex and her boyfriend had moved on and were happy.

As they say, the grass is always greener. And if you don't focus on what you actually have, that will quickly die all for the dream of something that would never have worked in the first place.

Just an Update

I've had several people get in touch with me over the past week to figure out how the whole cancer process was going. Instead of telling everyone individually and repeating myself over and over, I figure I'll post it here for you all to read and get the same information.

I went in just a little over four weeks ago to have a procedure done that would hopefully remove all of the cancerous cells and leave me healthy. I then had doctor's orders to take it easy and to take off the next week of work to rest and recover and heal. I didn't (a fact that I really don't want to talk about right now for fear of the fact I'll say something I really shouldn't) and proceeded to go to work the next week. Other than my cecchetti exam, I really didn't do much. I took it very easy at ballet for the next week and tried to give myself time to recover. Being anemic, the biggest fear the doctors had was that I would reopen a wound and begin to bleed profusely. That would have really sucked.

Last Wednesday, I went in for a follow up for the doctor to tell me that I was in fact healed and cancer free. Well, that didn't happen. Apparently there are an abundance of abnormal cells that have popped up everywhere. Because I'm still in the process of healing and getting over the last procedure, the doctor really can't say more without doing another set of biopsies. She's worried that this is in fact precancerous cells. Awesome. There is a slim chance that this might just be scar tissue that didn't have time to heal properly and due to the heavy stress I was on at work the following week. With the family history I have, she's worried is the firsts option. On top of this wonderful news, she would like for me to come in once a month to have a complete workup done to monitor white blood cells and a bunch of other stuff that I just honestly stopped listening to. She, in actually a really nice and wonderful way, said that I will get cancer at some point and it will be serious so I need to keep a constant watch on everything.

I have yet another appointment in a couple weeks for the doctors to run some more tests and biopsies and blood work and all that fun stuff. I'm not looking forward to it at all. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic about this entire thing since I was extremely shocked by the news I received last week, but I don't think its just scar tissue. Looking at my own family history and knowing what I do, I really don't think I'll be lucky enough to have this all just be a little problem that I've been worrying about for no reason. After thinking about it, I really don't know if I will go in for a full workup every month even if it is cancer. At this time, I'm thinking I'll have them remove it like last time then just wait until my next annual appointment. I don't know if I want to put myself through the trouble of a doctors appointment and needles every month for god-knows how long until they find something serious. Again, this might just be me being all depressed and pessimistic about the entire situation, but I think I'd rather just go once, remove it, and continue a semi-normal life until they tell me it is a serious problem. I don't know if I want to go through the stress that doing this monthly checkup. If I can at least throw this entire matter to the back of my mind for eleven months of the year, then I'm going to do just that very thing.

I'll know more after my next appointment in a couple weeks about what exactly is wrong and how bad this entire situation is and I'll then make the decision on whether or not I will actually schedule monthly appointments. Either way, I'll let you all know something about what the outcome is of everything.

Well, enough of this wonderful, cheery post. I will talk to you all soon! And don't worry, next time I wont be quite as moody and upset as I am now.

This is it!

Well, since I had today off work, I was able to get my "new and exciting" thing done faster than I originally anticipated. I have been working on this and planning it for a few weeks now, and I think this is going to be a nice little addition to my blog.

I've started a YouTube channel! I've never in my life made a video before and I generally pretty much hate being on camera, but hopefully this will be a successful endeavor. You never know if you don't try, and I decided to try. You can see my first video up top and also click this link to get to the actual channel itself. I only have one video up right now, but I'm hoping to be able to add more to it in the next few weeks. I have no idea if this is something any of you will find any interest in whatsoever, but I think it will make for a nice little addition. If you like this video and think there's any hope for it at all, feel free to click the little "Subscribe" button and leave comments!


Enjoy!

New and Exciting!

I'm planning on starting something completely new and different from anything I've ever done before. Since I'm still in the process of getting this all set up and ready for all of you readers, I'm going to keep it a surprise for now. I know it's very annoying when someone says "I have something coming up.... But I can't tell you anything" but I'm doing it anyways. I don't know if this little project is going to be something any of you, or anyone in general, will be interested in, but I'm going to try it.

I know this has been a fairly pointless post that hasn't given you any real information, but be on the lookout for something new and (hopefully) exciting coming up sometime this week!!

Too Much is Just Enough

I've noticed a lot of hypocrisy in a lot of advertisements lately and, frankly, I've had quite enough of it. I know many of you will not agree with me, and that's completely fine. But I'm extremely tired of seeing commercials and PSA's that talk about women accepting their bodies and loving who they are. Unfortunately, these commercials are only aimed at women with curves.

I understand that this culture has been about glorifying the skinny and condemning the overweight for quite a while. But, contrary to popular belief, stick-thin has not always been the ideal image. Really, this look became popular with the rise of models like Twiggy and Kate Moss. It seems to me that in the past ten years, the stick thin look has been actually looked down upon. Eating disorders have been brought to light, girls have been getting the message that they should love themselves no matter what. This is all well and good, but it has gotten to the point that the super thin have been shunned and are looked down upon by society.

I have struggled with an eating disorder. This is not uncommon knowledge among my friends. This is a battle that  I have to fight every day, I have to work to not fall into old habits that seem so easy for me. But, after a lot of struggling, I am finally starting to reach a point where I am starting to accept myself and my body. I eat healthy, I run four or five days a week, and a do ballet three or four days a week. I keep up with a healthy lifestyle and it helps me stay thin and fit and healthy. I've gotten to what I consider a healthy weight, but I still get comments by a lot of people that they think I'm too thin.

Yet, it seems that people feel that they can tell me that I need to change my eating habits. I don't know when people started to get the idea that it is okay to tell others how much or what kind of food they should eat. I don't know when it became acceptable to actually poke someone and tell them they are too skinny. I don't know when it became acceptable for other people I am not eating enough. I don't know when it became acceptable for other people to tell me I need to change my lifestyle because they think I'm too skinny. I've had people tell me all of these things. If I were to tell someone they needed to lose weight, people would think I'm a monster. Yet, it's okay for people to tell me I need to gain weight? I would never go up to someone and tell them they need to start eating less, but people tell me constantly that I need to eat more. No one would ever think of going up to someone and pinching their fat and telling them how fat they are but I have had many people poke me and tell me that I'm too skinny.

No matter how people look, they are always going to have the wrong look. You will always be too this or too that. Too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too fit, too weak. People should always be accepted no matter what they look like. And no should ever make a comment about a person's weight in a way that makes the person feel like they are too anything. It would seem like such a simple idea, one that is almost common courtesy, but I've been proven quite wrong about this.

"Jealous Girl" - Ben Kweller

If you haven't bought Ben Kweller's newest cd "Go Fly a Kite" I highly suggest you do. Or at least go listen to it. BK is amazing and his latest album is just wonderful.

Valentine's Day

As you all can tell by looking at any social media today (or, if you're looking at this at a later date, the date posted) you all know that it is Valentine's Day. Be prepared to see women posting pictures of roses and chocolates on Facebook and Twitter, talking about fancy dinners they have planned, and everyone talking about how much they love that special someone. There will also be quite the abundance of single people talking about how ultra-consumerist it is or how sad they are to be alone.

I personally can't, and never have been able to, stand Valentine's Day. I find it to be a completely phony holiday that actually detracts from the love felt between two people. Even on all of those Valentine's Days that I spent alone or just in the company of other single friends, it seemed like a very pointless holiday that cheapened real love and affection. When I have had someone special to spend these days with, I found myself feeling the exact same way. I never really liked roses in any situation and would much rather have another flower. I don't care for sweets. I don't like diamonds and feel that they should not be worn before you're fifty (with the only exception being your wedding/engagement rings), I prefer other gemstones.

Valentine's Day forces men to buy flowers and chocolate and jewelry for the special lady in their life. Women have come to not only hope, but expect all of these gifts. And not just any flowers will do for Valentine's Day, it has to be roses which are not only out of season, but already severely over priced to begin with. Chocolate must come in the shape of a giant red, heart shaped box filled with several different varieties that are sure to be thrown out later. Not just any jewelry will do, it has to be something with diamonds that sparkles and shines and probably came from Africa and caused the death of many. If the woman works, the man is supposed to send all of these gifts to work so other female coworkers can look on in jealousy and see just how much this woman is loved. If the woman is still at school, they should be delivered at school and if it interrupts a class, that is even better because it causes even more attention to be drawn to this super special lady. After the woman is showered with all of these gifts, the man is supposed to to her out to an extremely over priced dinner just to drill in the fact that he does care about her.

For people not in a relationship, this extreme show of "affection" only goes to point out just how alone they are and how little they matter in society because they are alone. To all of the people that may have recently ended a relationship, it makes them feel even more alone and draws attention to the fact that they recently lost someone special in their life. Valentine's Day also puts the sole responsibility of showing affection on the man. Women don't have to do anything at all for the special man in their life, they just sit back and receive gifts and complain if what they got wasn't enough to show how much their man really cares. Women measure the love of a man by the number of gifts they receive.

I don't know how it became the rule that you can only do nice things for someone one day a year. If you want to send me lilies, you can send them in May or November. If you want to take me out to a special dinner, we can go other days of the year. If you wanted to make a special dinner for me or have us cook something together, we can also do this year round. If you want to get me opals or sapphires, feel free to do so because you actually love me any other time. I'll be doing the same for you. I love someone so I will do everything I can to do little things for them throughout the year. If you care about me, show me you love me other times. Love is not meant to be hidden away for 364 days a year. Love is not just for February 14th.

It's Time for Changes in the Stars

Well, the NHL is more than halfway through the season. Tonight, the Stars are scheduled to play game 54 of 82 against the Buffalo Sabres.

The last time I wrote a  piece about the Stars was barely a month into the season. The Stars were leading the NHL in points, they were winning games. There were major goal scorers and the entire team was fighting to prove themselves. Players like Jamie Benn, Loui Eriksson, Brenden Morrow, and Sheldon Souray were making game changing plays. Even though the ownership of the team was still unknown, the team was making huge progress from the season before. Glen Gulutzan, the new Stars head coach, had created great lines and had made this group of players into a real team.

Oh how the times have changed...

The star players for this team have faded into the background lately. While Jamie Benn is great, he hasn't been as good as he was. Even after the boost of the All Star Games, Benn really hasn't been producing for the team like everyone thought (and still thinks) he should.Loui Eriksson has been all but invisible on the ice lately.Does anyone remember the last time Eriksson actually scored a goal? The captain, Brenden Morrow, hasn't even been in most of the games lately due to injuries. And for a while, any game he was in Morrow was getting more penalty minutes than shots. Sheldon Souray went from scoring and having goalies in fear of the Wonderbomb to the fans wondering why he's afraid to touch the puck. And these aren't the only players that have faded, the entire team has become lackluster at best.

Going into tonight's game, I really do worry about the Stars' hopes of making the playoffs. As it stands, the Stars have not won a single back to back game. Currently, the Stars are 0-7-1 in back to backs. That would be a total of 15 points that have been lost in back to backs alone. The Stars have another five back to backs left in the schedule, if things stay the way they are everyone can just count those ten points as lost. The Stars still have a game against the Red Wings, one game against the Blues, four games against the Canucks, and two more games against the Sharks. That's eight more games against the teams that hold the top four places in the Western Conference. If there aren't some major changes soon, the fans can be guaranteed another year of not making the playoffs.

I've heard a lot of different opinions from friends and fellow fans about changes that need to be made to the team. I've heard that the Stars need to trade Morrow, something that can't be done because of his no trade-clause with the Stars. I've heard that the team needs to trade for one of the top players, but if there's any hope of getting a game changer the Stars would need to give up someone like Benn or Eriksson. I've heard that Benn just needs to start scoring more, but he's still young and he's been amazing for a kid that's only 22 he's been amazing. I've heard that Gully needs to start putting the Nystrom line against other teams' top lines, but this really wouldn't work if this line stays the way it is. The  reason the third line was able to score against other teams is because they were up against other teams' third or fourth lines. When this line has been up against first or second lines, they've given up a lot of goals.

It seems to me that there are more reasonable ways to make changes in the Stars and see improvement. Why doesn't Gully actually switch up the players in the lines? It seems like he's picked out who is on which lines and refuses to make changes unless there's an injury. If you were to make big changes (like putting Nystrom with Benn) what would happen? The team needs to make changes and see who could work better with other people. The Stars also rely heavily on the goalies for most of the games they play. If the only factor stopping the other team from scoring a goal is Kari or Bachman, there needs to be a serious talk with the rest of the team. You can't depend on your goalie to stop every shot. There needs to be effort from the rest of the team as well. I've also noticed a heavy tendency for a lot of the players to play defensively instead of offensively. I don't see a lot of shots being taken. It's pretty simple, really, if you don't take a shot, you will never make the goal. So when the Stars are shooting half as much as their opponents, there really isn't much of a chance to win the game.

Every fan saw the potential that the Stars have at the beginning of the season. I know that the Stars could have made the playoffs this year if they had played consistently. Maybe not everyone will agree with me about how to make changes, but we all know that something needs to change. And soon. Even when they are losing, I'll always root for the Stars, they're my team and always will be. I just really hate watching the Stars lose. And this is a sentiment that I know I'm not alone in.

"Poor Ol' Broken Hearted Me" - The Trews

I'm fed up with Susan G. Komen

I'm absolutely disgusted with the entire Susan G. Komen foundation. As I'm sure you all know, last week there was quite the controversy when Komen decided it was no longer going to be sending funds to Planned Parenthood. Then, within a few days, the decision was reversed. Both of these decisions were entirely political and have been the last straw for me.  Before you continue to blindly support Komen, take a good look at what they actually do for women and where they actually stand politically. You may be surprised.

Komen decided to pull it's funding from Planned Parenthood on the basis that they have a new rule that states that Komen is not allowed to give out funds to a company that is under investigation by the government. Oddly enough, this rule was created shortly after Karen Handel was hired by Komen. Handel is a very outspoken anti-abortion advocate and has been reported on several occasions as saying that she is "pro-life, I do not support the mission of Planned Parenthood." Is it really that surprising that shortly after she was hired this new rule has come out about who may or may not receive Komen grant money and the only ones affected by this decision is Planned Parenthood? 

It is quite obvious that Komen has folded to the religious right in this country and is putting politics before the health of women. Komen has folded to the conservative propaganda that continually spews the lie that Planned Parenthood is an abortion factory and that all Planned Parenthood does is provide abortions. Apparently the fact the Planned Parenthood provides support and often the mammograms (or pays for the mammograms) of women that cannot afford them. The religious agenda ignores the fact that Planned Parenthood has saved countless lives with their services. All they focus on is the fact that Planned Parenthood offers abortions, a service which is only a tiny percentage of the services actually performed. 

Big deal, Komen decided to see reason and reverse the decision. Did they reverse the decision because they care about women? No, they did it because they lost hundreds of thousands of dollars with this widely publicized decision. They aren't reversing the decision because there has been some change in the mindset of those at the top of Komen. All they see are the dollar signs, dollar signs they lost with this poor decision. 

If this was the only problem with the entire Susan G. Komen foundation, I may be willing to forgive the organization and continue to support them. But this is the final act of a long list of grievances that Komen has committed. Komen has continued to take thousands of dollars from companies like Bank of America, a company that is under government investigation I might add. Komen has a history of going after small charities for using phrases like "for the cure" and using thousands of donation dollars to pursue these lawsuits. Komen pays the top executives a disgustingly high salary, all while trying to siphon more money from people that want to help a worthy cause. Komen uses sexist marketing hooks in order to draw attention to their campaign. Komen is known to partner with extremely unhealthy companies such as KFC to raise money. 

The Susan G. Komen foundation is nothing but a money making campaign that only looks out for itself now. It has lost sight of the fact that it is supposed to be helping women. I know that I will never send another penny towards this farce of an organization. I was sending them about $50 a month, a total of $600 a year and that dropped in the past year as more and more of their true nature has come to light. Now, all of the money I was sending will be split between Planned Parenthood as well as a few other select organizations that I am still trying to decide between.