Just one day at a time

Some people have this "all or nothing" mentality when it comes to healthy living. We need to realize that this whole all or nothing mentality is toxic. People feel like if they 're not doing it all, then their progress is nothing. And that is not true.

You either run every day or you're not a runner. You never have unhealthy thoughts at all or you're not recovering. You have to never eat fast food or you're not a healthy eater. You love yourself everyday and never have bad days or you're not positive body. You go out every weekend or you're not a social person.

It does not have to be all or nothing.

Every little bit is a step to a better life.

So if you ran yesterday and today you're not able to - you're still a runner and I'm proud of you. If yesterday you were okay but today you've fought the urge to restrict or purge since you woke up - you're still recovering and I'm proud of you.

If today, for the first time in weeks, you eat burgers and fries with friends or have pizza while on your lunch break - you are still a healthy eater. And I'm proud of you. Sometimes you fall off the wagon for months. Sometimes you tell yourself you’re gonna start fresh on Monday and by Wednesday you’ve already fallen back off. Sometimes you have to restart a 100 times and it’s frustrating. But it will be okay.

If you woke up this morning and immediately did not like yourself this morning, it's okay - You're still a body positive person and I'm proud of you. If you had to cancel your plans for the night because you couldn't deal with the anxiety, remember your friends still love you and they understand.

Just take each day step by step. Every run. Every urge. Every dining experience. Every negative thought. Because it's not all or nothing.

It's a little of this and a little of that and each piece turns progress.

You can do this. One day at a time

Light Summers and Dark Summers

There are two types of summer; light summers and dark summers.

Light summers are those full of lawn and linen, the sea and soft sunshine. They are cherries and children’s smiles, wherein you feel disconnected and light, almost floating. Life is dreamy and distant in a haze of white dandelion fluff.

Dark summers are honeyed and sulky, full of pomegranates, thunderstorms, magnolias and unkept promises. Pandora opens the box, and lightening fills the sky. Sudden realization that this moment you can finally be happy when you are alone with your thoughts.

Light summers are potential and hope, ice cream cones in the park. The sunshine shining flooding the dashboard with music turned up, wind tussling your hair as you drive everywhere and nowhere. Condensation that gathers and slides down the can and gathers on a picnic table of every barbecue that lasted longer than intended. Promises of weekends spent together exploring your city, exploring each other.

Dark summers are stealing kisses in movie theatres and hiding away from everyone with a good book. Crowding into loud bars after longer days of work, you tossing back drinks with long lost friends. Walking hand in hand under the stars as you share hidden memories and find yourself making new ones.

Light summers are false cheer. Smiles will light up rooms, eyes that sparkle with unwept tears. Watching the sun slip below the horizon after a day of solitude on the sand. Carefree and easy, coasting through life. You don’t ever want to land. Finding the person you have lost only to realize they are not who they once were, they are better for everything they have been through.

Dark summers are driving down dirt roads before dawn. Cinematic and shadowy, you exist in a trance of melancholy, and feel passionately, though feign detachment. Realizing that the person you have idolized as the sun has only cast you into shadow; you are more than this. 

Neutrality does not exist in a rape case

Societal standards, most cultural commentators, and both official and unofficial precedent set by the justice system all will take the side of a rapist over the accuser. This is especially true when the accused is rich, white, famous and popular. By  saying "we don't know what happened" what we are saying is "she is lying."

Admitting to being raped is traumatic. Being raped is terrible. People who are raped often do not ever come forward because it makes them feel exposed and vulnerable. Coming forward about a rape means reliving this specific horror over and over for cops, doctors, nurses, and lawyers. Should this go to trial, the victim has to acknowledge that they're entire life is going to be examined. Especially when the victim speaks out against any person in power, their entire life will be torn apart. The public will defend the accused and harass the victim. 

Were they drinking? What were they wearing? Does the victim have a history of being promiscuous? By immediately assuming a rape allegation is a lie, you are making it increasingly difficult for other victims to be able to seek help when they are assaulted. When these questions are being asked, we are saying that there are instances that a person has the right to another person.

“Neutrality” is support for the accused. What facts are you waiting for? So what that only 32% of rape cases are ever reported, less so against the wealthy and the powerful. Maybe only 3% of cases in the United States are ever given to a prosecutor, just because there is enough evidence for this to beat the underwhelming odds of being given to a prosecutor judgment still needs to be reserved. You need to be in court to let go of the nasty ass you’re supporting? The fact that 98% of rapists never spend a day in jail is obviously irrelevant. Are you really waiting for charges to be dropped so the league can sweep this under the rug? 

By claiming that the only way we can truly know what happened is through a trial, you are dismissing the 68% of rapes that go unreported. Are you saying that since there was no trial, it never happened? When you claim that the humiliation of a rape is equal to that which comes from even being accused, you are dismissing the trauma of the initial assault and every other horrific experience of recounting what happened. When you tell me that the only way someone can be classified as a rapist is with a final judgment in a court of law, you are ignoring every case that is dismissed for lack of evidence. 

Rape is not defined by the ruling of our courts. The FBI has deemed rape to be “the penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” It does not include "after being deemed to be so in a court of law." Thousands of rapists are walking around freely because they have bullied their victim into dropping the claim or, even worse, it never makes it to the cops. 

You say no one deserves to have their rape claim dismissed, yet you are in fact dismissing it with this logic. This is all part of rape culture. This is the problem.