Why do I have to believe?

I'm a good person. Really, I am. Some people may tell you otherwise, but they're dirty rotten liars.

But, apparently, I am going to hell.

At least, that's what some want you to believe. Personally, I think that, one of these days, I'm going to a burn for a couple minutes and then get put into an urn or sprinkled around some place I found significant, but there are those among us who will tell you that I'm going to a place significantly deeper, hotter and eviler than that.

And why?

It's not because I don't care about others. I spend a lot of days in a volunteer service group, I hold doors open for people, I've even been willing to give money to the guy on the side of the road before!

It's not because I'm mean. Quite often I will make jokes at the expense of others, but no one I ever mock (that I know of) has ever really believed that I mean anything but light-hearted humor from it, and everyone knows that I will help them if there is any way I can. If I realize I offend someone with something I say in jest, I am more than willing to go apologize for whatever I may have said.

No, best I can tell, the (supposed) reason that I will be traveling (way) down to visit ol' Mephistopheles is simple: I'm an atheist.

I don't see why this is such a big deal.

I had this conversation with one of my former friends, as we were both recent graduates and I had just moved to Dallas to live with my fiance (and live in sin, I might add). She and I are both good people. We help when we can, we try not to offend, you know the routine. No, the primary difference between us is that, while I am an atheist, she is a particularly devout Baptist Christian.

I just don't see why she needs to be. Not that she can't be devout, but why be so... Over the top about it?

She says that her faith and devotion help her "do good works," but I know, without a doubt, that that isn't true. Take God away completely, and Sydney would still be out volunteering all the time, helping whoever she can. That's who she is, and the presence of God doesn't change that for her; it just makes her have a so-called reason for doing "good."

Not that I accept this reason, really. In fact, and this sounds terribly conceited and possibly even offensive to some. I occasionally feel like my good deeds are, in some ways, even more altruistic than those performed by the more Christian.

Bear with me on this. Let me explain.

There are Christians out there whose good works are derived only from their desire to get into heaven - though, admittedly, Sydney and many, many others do not fall into this category. There is an ulterior motive to their deeds. Even if not to get into heaven, they want their god to reward them. On the other hand, I feel that, when I do something good, there is only the benefit there. I know for a fact that I'm not doing good for someone else in return for an afterlife of wings and harps. I do it so I can help. Yes, I am in a moment of "look at me", but this has really been bothering me. Especially with Sydney trying to reconnect with me lately, trying to convert me to Christianity, this type of thing has been bothering me even more.

Listen, I don't think poorly of religious people. Sydney and her boyfriend are two of the sweetest people in the world, and they are both extremely religious. I just don't get it.

I don't even want to believe in a God that will send me to hell because, despite the good that I do, I simply did not see enough evidence to convince me that he (or she, or it) was actually there. You want me to believe in you? Give me a reason. I understand that flies in the face of "faith," but I fail to understand why we should take some unseen being's word on that one simple fact when we as a species require proof and explanation for nearly everything else in life (or death). Wouldn't this god be more pleased with the fact that I chose to use the reasoning skills he gave me to question his existence? Is it not a good thing that I have chosen to become a good person not because I fear something or I want something, but because I actually want to be a good person?

I don't understand prayer. The Lord works in mysterious ways, sure, I've heard that. But I don't get why prayer needs to come into play there. Let's say I don't pray at all, and I end up in the hospital with some mysterious malady. I'm dying, and the doctors can't figure it out. Suddenly, I decide that the one thing I haven't done is pray for help, or salvation, or whatever I'm supposed to pray for. Is God supposed to hear my prayer and think, "Oh, Audrey doesn't want this thing to kill her. I never would have known if she hadn't prayed"? I mean, if he's going to save me, he's going to save me, prayer or not. If I get to go to heaven, I should get to go to heaven, prayer or not. If it takes a quick "amen" to change that, then God's a bit too wishy-washy for my tastes, anyway. If he's there, he knows his plan. If I need to pray to him to let him know I need something or I'm in trouble it doesn't seem to me like he really is omnipotent.

Like I said, most religious people don't bother me. I just get very tired of the ones who feel the need to "save" me because, despite the good that I do, I have the "flaw" of being an atheist. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but I don't think it should be anyone's mission to show me the supposed error of my ways.

If God wants me that badly, he'll show me the error himself.

The US is no more...

At least when it comes to the World Cup. The match on Saturday was a heartbreaking match to watch, not only did Tim Howard let in (another) goal in the first five minutes of the game, but we were only able to score due to a penalty kick... Now, if you recently fell in love with the US team, you might want to skip this post. I feel the need to vent a bit about a couple of key players that have gained popularity. Not only were these players unknown to probably 95% of the American population, but after watching four games every American feels that they have the knowledge to comment on these players' skills. If you think this is pretentious, I apologize in advance, but due to the fact that I've been a fan (not of the US team) for many, many years I actually know what I'm talking about.

First off, let me start off with Howard. After hearing all of this talk from various people about how amazing Howard is, I think he pretty much sucks, sorry to the rest of America. No, its not because he has tourettes (which I don't see how that is relevant at all!) but due to the fact that in every game the US played in the World Cup, he let in an extremely soft goal within the first five minutes of every match except the match against Algeria. Next is Demspey. In the first minute of the match against Slovenia, he elbows a player in the face. This is an act worthy of a red card. I know, Slovenia did deserve it, especially when you look in hindsight at the way the match went down, but the US fans refuse to look at any sort of flaw that Dempsey has. Instead fans see a rogue, a pretty boy. I call bullshit! He wasn't really that influential in any match. He tried to play in several matches as if he was a striker when he pretty much sucked as much as a striker as he did as a midfielder. And speaking of the strikers, where were they in this tournament?! They were nonexistent and were barely able to get a touch on the ball. Donovan played well, also a midfielder, but he wasn't a star. He was able to score one amazing goal in the Algeria match, but if he really is so amazing, why didn't he do that earlier?!

Well, I'm glad I finally got some of that out of my system. And to all those recent football fans (or soccer, whatever), the more you are interested in what happens, the better our players will be. I don't know why this World Cup has created such an impact this time around but I'm very glad it has. I know that it doesn't stop a war, fix the economic crisis, or clean up the gulf, but this has given us something very big to stand behind. Instead of focusing on the negative lately, and there is a lot to be negative about, America has been watching this Cup and cheering on our team. It gives us something to hope for and it gives everyone a chance to dream of something big. If that isn't reason enough to love the World Cup and football, I don't know what is.

We're going to have food!

Austin and I have already selected our venue for the wedding, we're going to have both the ceremony and the reception at the Infomart in Dallas. Even though I work here and spend most of my time at the Infomart, we both love the fact that its close to DFW, Love Field, lots of hotels, and its close to down town Dallas. Since I do work in the building, I've seen the events staff set up for events many, many times so I feel very comfortable with having them handle such an important event for us. I also know that the Head Cheaf is absolutely amazing! Did I mention I'm going to be getting an incredible discount? Yeah, that was a big plus for us too.

In the past couple of weeks, I've been talking with our Event Coordinator and she's been helping me to build the menu. Austin and I decided to have  a meal heavy on hor d'oeuvres and a couple of stations set up in the atrium of the lobby. The only question, what did we want? We know that we are going to be having people that have different dietary restrictions, vegans, vegetarians, kosher, etc. so I (and the head chef) was tasked with finding options that would be able to suit even the strictest diet. Nobody wants to go to a wedding that they can't eat at, am I right? Well, I wont go into exactly what the Coordinator and Chef and I were all able to come up with, but it is going to be a delicious selection! We have a Bruschetta Bar, a Brie station, fruit and cheese montage, and a hummus station, but I wont tell you what else. Something has to be a surprise. One other benefit of choosing to have the wedding at the Infomart is that I know, without a doubt, that the food is going to be amazing!

World Cup Fever is Here!

Well, the World Cup is upon us! The wonderful time every four years that the US even shows the faintest interest in one of the greatest sports ever created! This is a time for real football, a real sport... At least to me!

I spent a lot of time in Brasil growing up, being the fact that my grandparents lived there for forty years, and it quickly came to be the only sport I could watch on a regular basis. I even was lucky enough to meet Kaka, a midfielder for the Brasil team, one time when I was walking down the street! He was actually a wonderful guy that was sweet enough to have a short conversation in broken Portuguese with an American girl. So, as I'm sure you all can guess, I'm rooting for Brasil and hoping they can regain their title as the champions! I've been able to catch every game thus far due to the fact that the first match comes on when I'm getting ready for work, then two matches while I'm at work. I don't think I've ever been happier that my boss has a tv in his office, and he doesn't mind me turning it on once in a while to catch the matches! I was very upset in the ending of the match against Cote d'Ivoire where Kaka got a red card which he didn't deserve... We will still be able to come back!

Austin is a fan of soccer, but he also likes American football, baseball, golf, hockey, basketball, etc... He, being the good patriotic one of us, is rooting for the United States team. I hope the US team does well only for the fact that soccer would finally start to get some of the respect it deserves in this country. The US team has been a little shaky this tournament, but we're all hoping they can bring it together for the last group match against Algeria. We were both really upset when the ref disallowed the US goal in the game against Slovenia, it really put a damper on our moods at work.

Our Fur Babies

We have two cats with personalities bigger than they are, Gatinha and Sox.

I got Gatinha three years ago when she was just a little kitten and she's been spoiled ever since then. When I first got her, she could fit in the palm of my hands, now she pretty much needs her own cushion on the couch! When I first brought her over to stay with Austin, I was worried that he wouldn't like her, they wouldn't get along, or maybe he would just be too allergic to her. Luckily, Austin fell in love with her almost as much as he fell for me! She likes to eat, sleep and recently has taken to playing with Sox.

Sox is our newest addition to our family. Austin had known that I would like another kitty for Gatinha to play with since we had both been working 40+ hours a week and we didn't feel like she was getting enough attention. He had done all of the work and found her off of Craigslist and decided that she would make a nice addition to our family! On Super Bowl Sunday, Austin took me out to pick her up from a family that could no longer keep her. At first, Gatinha and Sox couldn't even be in the same room together, our Gatinha thought she was getting replaced. Sox enjoys running around, chasing Gatinha, and hiding things under our area rug in the living room.

We're pleased to say that after a couple months, Sox got over being afraid of Gatinha and tried to play. Gatinha was NOT going to have anything to do with this little kitty. Only recently has Gatinha started playing with Sox, and it is the cutest thing in the world! They both like to sit in our new swivel chair, but never at the same time. We'll be sure to keep everyone updated with how they're doing!


We are also cat sitting for a close friend, Dan. He is a two month old orange tabby. We've taken to calling him Ringo.

The beginning!

Well, this is our blog. I"m sure I'll be the one doing most of the updating, but I might be able to convince Austin to step in for a post or two... This is where you can keep updated on all of the pre-wedding mayhem, the planning, the vacations, the DIY activities, and the post wedding drama! Well, if I manage to not bore you to death and drive you off with what will probably be plenty of pointless rambling. With the World Cup underway, I'm sure we (or I) will be sure to give you all of our views as the tournament continues. We plan on keeping this up for quite while to keep all of our friends and family up to date with the happenings of our exciting lives... Or the mundane activities and occasional interesting snippet. We're in the process of planning a trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, because Austin knows I'm dying to go, and possibly a trip to the next World Cup in Brasil. So those are a couple of big events we're planning aside from the wedding, so you may want to stick around for those updates and pictures!