I Lied

Alright, Readers. I lied. In my last post I said I wasn't going to talk about this diagnosis until I knew more but honestly, I don't think that's going to work. After I told Austin, I think that helped me to accept what I was going through. So I've told Jessica and four other people I work with about getting diagnosed with cancer. I think it might actually be helping me deal with it by letting other people know what is going on.

I also called my doctor yesterday because after I got the call confirming that it is cervical cancer, I tuned out the entire conversation. Anything that came after "cancer" is just a blur, and I figured I needed to know this information so I called back yesterday while I was off. I'm glad I did. I not only confirmed when exactly my next appointments are, but I learned a little about the steps I'll need to take and what the outcome is. Since it was just a phone call, they didn't go into quite as much detail. But hearing a little information has helped calm me down a little. My next appointment I'll learn more about cancer, the options I have, and the steps we're going to take to get rid of it. I'll also learn about what all of the consequences are going to be. The appointment I have after that is when they're going to be doing biopsies and more tests.

I have spent a lot of time reading up about it in general and trying to come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be able to have kids due to this. The more I learn about it, the better I feel. But it really sucks having to tell people. Seeing their reactions and seeing them start to cry because I'm so young and having to deal with this makes me want to cry. But having the support of people is already something I know that I will need in the next several months.

Also, I do apologize if my last post wasn't exactly coherent. I had been crying and upset and just wanted to get it out there. Hopefully this post makes a little more sense and explains a little better what I'm going through... I'm pretty sure drinking (a lot) before posting that helped any...