It isn't glamorous, this is a constant battle

The internet is a safe place for a lot of people to show a side of themselves that they have felt the need to hide from the public eye for a long time. Wordpress and tumblr and youtube and countless other sites have helped people realize that they aren't alone in the way that they feel.

But it has also glorified the idea of being socially awkward or having an anxiety disorder. 

It is great that there are places that people can come together and learn that they are not alone and there are other people dealing with these problems, it is insulting when there's a constant cry of "I'm socially awkward because I like this show and prefer to spend time online." There seems to be something glamorous about being "diagnosed" with some sort of anxiety disorder. 

While it is great to know that there are other people out there with the same crippling fear of having to meet knew people and possibly making an idiot out of myself if/when I say the wrong thing, there's absolutely nothing great about the fact that I've had panic attacks because I've ventured somewhere outside of my comfort zone. Sure, I prefer to spend time online and find people that have a lot of the same interests as I do, but I wish I could be the kind of person that was able to go out and meet lots of new people and have fun. 

But I can't. 

There's always been a stigma surrounding mental disorders and maybe now that places like tumblr make us feel "safe" about talking about them, they've now become the "cool" thing to have to deal with. No one wants to have to really talk to people about the fact that they can get completely consumed by the thoughts in their head. No one wants to have to admit to other people that while we really, really want to be able to participate in the conversations around us, we're dealing with a part of ourself that is telling us that the next thing we say will be dumb or irrelevant or whatever. 

And I know that people deal with these things differently. Hell, for years I refused to even acknowledge that there was something wrong and only very recently have I realized that I can't do this on my own. I created my own ways to cope with anxiety and panic. 

But the same people that are glamorizing these problems are also minimizing them. 

You might know someone that is struggling with depression but you would never know because they don't "act" depressed or seem sad. There might be a friend that struggles with an eating disorder but you would never guess because they don't look like the pictures you've seen of the end result. An anxiety disorder manifests itself in different ways for different people. But one thing is certain, these things are not fun and are not to be glamorized. This is a fight I have every morning trying to get myself out of bed. This is a battle that I have constantly through every moment of every day. I have to fight a huge part of myself if I want to go out to do anything with people.

This really sucks.

It is fine to not want to have to go out and deal with people on a regular basis. People are exhausting what with the whole putting on clothes and going places and whatever. But I know that I would like to see less people saying "OMG I'm so socially awkward because I want to watch Doctor Who instead of go out. I've obviously got a social anxiety disorder because I like television shows over people"