The past several weeks, we've been bombarded with commercials on television and the radio about Mother's Day. We need to celebrate our mothers for everything that they have done for us. All of their sacrifices were to make us better people. We need to take a day to thank them for loving us and supporting us and bringing us into the world.
But what do you do if you don't have a relationship with your mother? What if your mother was emotionally abusive and manipulative throughout your entire childhood? What if your mother was one of the people that helped you to develop an eating disorder and a huge sense of self loathing? What if the self worth and body images problems you still deal with today were cultivated from your mother? What if your mother was one of your biggest critics and took every chance to remind you of every one of your wrongdoings? What if your mother wasn't kind and loving and supportive and wanted you to be the best you could be? What if the way your mother has treated you leaves you terrified at even the prospect of having children because you couldn't stand to do that to your own children?
Why should I be showering a woman that never gave me the love and support and understanding that I needed as a child? Why should I be so grateful when the only real thing I can thank her for is for giving birth to me? I'm sorry, but I wont be sending a woman cards or flowers or jewelry or even a phone call when the only thing I could thank her for is for reproducing. I won't be calling my mother. This is as close as I will get to even acknowledging her.
People have been telling me for years that family is the mot important thing, that one day I will understand why she treated me like she did. People have a tendency to try and tell me that when I have children of my own, I will understand and rationalize all of the things she did. And if that's the case, I never want to be a mother. You can keep your stupid holiday if it prevents me from scarring a child like she did. I am terrified at the thought of ever having kids because I can't handle the thought that I might one day become her, that I might one day think it is okay to tell your child that she's fat and worthless and ruined her life and the reason mom and dad fight and she deserved that hit from dad.
There is a saying that "blood is thicker than water." I call bullshit. Just because someone is your blood does not make them family. Other than my two brothers, I do not accept anyone else from my side as family. My real family came with my husband. His mother has shown me what it really means to be a mother. In the five years I have known her, she has been more of a mother than my own was for the sixteen years I lived with her.
In the five years I've known this woman, she has loved me and supported me. She helped me create a resume that got me my first "real" job and put me in touch with people that would help my career grow. When I got my first job, she took me shopping to get a work wardrobe because I didn't have a clue what to wear in an office. She has talked with me at two in the morning when Austin and I have been fighting. She has chauffeured me around when I didn't have a car in order to make sure I got to and from my job. She went with me to pick out my wedding dress and wedding cake. She helped me through the stress of planning a wedding. She knows I'm not perfect and she doesn't expect me to be perfect. She's the one that introduced me to dance. The first Christmas Austin and I spent together, she wanted me to help with making Christmas dinner (and in her house, Christmas is the event of the year). She has done so much more for me in the past five years than I could ever begin to thank her for. She's been a real mother for me.
I've learned that family is not something that you are guaranteed because of blood. Family is something that you work for, something that is earned. And while some might think it is wrong for me to disregard the parents that brought me into this world, I
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