Be that girl

1. Be the girl with the laugh.

Have the ugly laugh or the loud laugh or the laugh that bubbles over your lips and travels towards those around you. Have the laugh that fills a room or the laugh that separates a crowd or the laugh that can only be heard in a quiet booth in the back of a cute café. Be the girl with the laugh that the boy will die to hear. Be the girl with the laugh that the boys will die to be the source of. Be the girl who’s happy.

2. Be the girl with the eyes.

Have the blue eyes or the big eyes or the squinty eyes. Have the kind of eyes that bunch up in the corners the way they claim is unattractive, all because you’re smiling so hard. Be the girl with the eyes that people will fall in love with. Be the girl with the eyes boys will spill their secrets to. Be the girl whose eyes bare her soul.

3. Be the girl with the body.

The one that is perfect in every way, because it is perfect to you. Be the girl who loves the way her jeans fit her, who loves her curves, or loves her thigh gap. Be the girl who wears clothes that fit her flawlessly, even if they don’t fit society. Be the girl who knows what looks good on her and be the girl who knows how to love what’s in the mirror.

4. Be the girl with the brain.

Be the girl who knows what she’s talking about. Be the girl who falls in love with one sentence in a whole book and writes it down in her pretty cursive handwriting. Be the girl who loves one thing with her whole heart, and knows too much about it. Be the girl who knows when she doesn’t know something, and can admit it. Be the girl who always wants to know the most beautiful things about life.

5. Be the girl with the grace.

The grace to admit her mistakes, to love herself despite her mistakes, and to love people wholeheartedly. Be the girl who stands up when she falls. Be the girl who knows her worth and presents herself accordingly. Be the girl with confidence that everyone loves to love.

6. Be the girl with the soul.

Be the girl with the soul that loves so deeply. Be the girl that travels to a beautiful place just to see the colors of the world come alive, or be the girl that curls up in a bed with a human being that means the world to her. Be the girl who thinks at night and laughs during the day, all the while creating herself as she goes. Be the girl who never ends; be the girl who never ends her desire of knowledge; be the girl who never ends her desire to meet perfect people; be the girl who never ends her desire to love. Be the girl that goes beyond her laugh and her eyes and her body and her brain. Be the girl who everyone wants to know more of, who everyone wants to sit in a train station with while she speaks of her life. Be the girl who is more than what she appears to be.

Never settle for anything or anyone

Never fucking settle.

I can’t stress this enough.

In my 24 years of life, I want this to be the one thing that I have learned better than all other lessons. If a boy asks if you are okay, knowing that you are not, and leaves it alone when you say “yes” please leave. If your best friend is having a bad night and you make her food, lay with her and let her cry on your shoulder and the next week does not do the same thing for you when you are crippled from pain at 3 in the morning, please realize she is not your friend. If your parents invite you over for dinner but antagonize you for dying your hair a new color the moment you walk through the door, please go home and do not let them control you.

Don't let other people determine your worth. Don't let a boy tell you that you aren't worth it. You are. Don't put yourself out there for friends that won't do the same for you. Don't put up with toxic family members that expect you to change yourself for their own comfort. Silence the voices that tell you "no" and that you aren't strong enough. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are more than enough, you're too good for those toxic relationships.

Please realize that no matter who the person is nor their level of importance to you, you do not deserve it. You do not need people in your life who do not appreciate you or what you do. You do not need to belittle yourself just to make others happy. You need to keep yourself at the top of your priority list.

For fuck’s sake, you are all you fucking have. You’re it. You’re everything. It’s all you, baby.

Please, just fucking make the most of it and fuck the rest.

24 things I wish I had known before I turned 24

1. Your first heartbreak is going to be the worst. You’ll be fine within the year.
2. They don't care if you cut your wrists or your legs or your hands or feet for her. Don’t do it.
3. Enveloping yourself in a book or movie on a Friday night is okay. There will be parties next weekend, too.
4. Don’t play hard to get. Don’t play any games at all. If you have to play a game with someone to get them to fall for you, they aren’t worth it.
5. When you find out anyone cheated and you run out of the restaurant and punch a light pole til your knuckles are bleeding and bruised, remember that people can see you. Don’t show them how weak you are.
6. When you find the next person who makes you feel something for the first time after your last break up, do not trust them. They know you are vulnerable and will use it against you.
7. Run from anyone you feel a magnetic pull towards. If you are drawn to someone you barely know, run. That will never end well.
8. Thank your parents. They really do love you.
9. There will come a day when you begin to say the things your parents told you. This is just a sign of you growing and maturing. It's natural.
10. Your priorities should be yourself, then school, then partying. In that order.
11. You’re gonna wanna say, “I love you” much sooner than you should. Make sure you’re both ready for it.
12. You don’t NEED anyone but yourself and a good group of people that loves you. A significant other will not fill the void in your heart.
13. You can like whatever music or movies you want. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re bad or stupid for the things you enjoy.
14. When your animal dies it’s gonna break your fucking heart. It’s okay.
15. Never open your mouth when you’re angry.
16. It’s okay to cry. Whether it’s because you failed a test, the book/movie was really good, or your chest is ripped wide open because someone left without a warning, you can cry.
17. People are gonna leave. That’s not a reflection of you, don’t blame yourself.
18. Don't worry that you don't have life figured out. No one else does, either. Life is just a lot of trial and error. Just be sure to learn from your mistakes. 
19. Smoking cigarettes will not benefit you in any way. Stop while you’re ahead.
20. There's no need to drink every night. You might be stressed, you might have had a bad day, but put the wine back. Go for a run instead. You'll feel better and won't hate yourself in the morning. Especially those mornings you have to be up early.
21. If you are not a whole person, do not try to date someone. Two halves don’t make a whole. They make a broken and toxic relationship.
22. If they call you on your birthday and tell you they are seeing someone else, do not stay on the phone and cry. Do not tell them you miss them. Say, “I’ve gotta go, it’s my birthday.” And never speak to them again.
23. You are always good enough. If people don’t want you, it’s a reflection of their shortcomings, not your own.
24. If you want it, go for it. Don't worry about what other people might say or what anyone else might think. Try now, because you might not be able to later, 

Dallas Stars Casino Night 2015

Wednesday was the Dallas Stars 16th annual Casino Night. I had such an amazing time last year, I knew that I wanted to go again. Not only is it fun to spend the evening dolled up and with the players, Casino Night is a wonderful event that raises thousands for the Dallas Stars Foundation. The people behind Casino Night do an amazing job. Outside of the games themselves, this is probably my favourite event the Stars hold.

Last year, Katie and I met at Casino Night. It was only sensible we spent our friendiversary together. 

Cody Eakin is just a lovely person

Curtis McKenzie and Brett Ritchie opted the Harry and Lloyd look

My favourite Frenchie, Antoine Roussel, is a complete gentleman 

Tyler Seguin didn't really like Katie and I giving him a hard time... I think he'll live

As usual, I make some sarcastic comment, but Ryan Garbutt didn't seem to mind

Our baby Russian Valeri Nichushkin should be back on the ice soon

Jason Spezza, a true gent.

5 things you're never told about your nanny

How much do you think about your nanny? Oh, sure, you made sure of who she isn’t; your crazy neighbor that may or may not be plotting to kidnap your baby, or that creep who used to stalk you on the Internet. You worry that your kids are in good hands everyday. But admit it, you think relatively little about someone who is spending up to a full work week or more, with your kid.

I mean, they’re “just” the baby-sitter. They're "just" the caregiver. They're "just." They’re not really part of your parenting. They’re not part of your family. You don’t want them in your “happily ever after” story. Right?

The person “watching” your kids doesn’t get to just “watch,” and while I admit I’m occasionally tempted to sit on the little girl I nanny, my job is not just about sitting on babies.

And being a nanny is hard. Like, super hard.

I’m not actually trying to compare being a nanny to parenting. I don’t imagine myself to understand what parenting is like. Much more often than not, my job leaves me kind of… in awe, of parents. You guys are all very warped, amazing, sick, sick, wonderful people.

What I do, is clearly not nearly so real, so big, so meaningful, or so hard. It’s… worse. Why?

1. We get all of the bad, and none of the good. Seriously. I get barfed on, screamed at, and spend hours developing a headache while preparing a dinner I have a sneaking suspicion little people will refuse to eat. But at the end of the day, when the little guy has just learned to read aloud on their own, you, the parent, scoop him onto your lap, receive his kisses, and beam with pride. “He gets it from my side,” you think, “it’s because I’ve been reading to him since he was born” then you snuggle down with your baby while I smile weakly, cross “reading “ off my mental list of things I’m partly responsible for were it not a success.

Sure, you might think, but at the end of the day, you also don’t have to worry about the children’s education, saving account, general well being… I never said I did. I, believe it or not, have my own little life, education, saving account, family, and health to worry about. But, I’m probably still worrying about your child’s. Because…

2.  Yes, I’m getting paid. But plain and simple, childcare is not something that is done for money. No one goes into teaching, day-caring, or any child-related job for the money. It is, necessarily, an extremely expensive job, emotionally. If it’s not emotionally draining for your kid’s nanny, she’s doing it wrong. Trust me. In fact, drive home right now to check on them. If I didn’t bend over backwards to love and empathize with the kids I work with every day, I would have snapped the cutesy Hello Kitty underwear that I have to wash and fold, right over their snot nosed faces, in the worlds biggest wedgie, and quit on the spot- a LOOONG time ago. Which leads me to,

3. Who do I dump to? You, hopefully, have your spouse for support and commiseration. I could call my friends and say, “Jenny missed the potty three times today and now my shirt is ruined” and listen to them snore, or I could call you and say, “Your kid is being a brat today” and get fired. Both options sort of suck. It’s a weird position to be in, especially because…

4. It’s true you’re the only person who really knows your kid. No one wants to take that away from you. Except… could you fill me in a little more? I know it’s your personal life, but I’m working in the dark here. Let’s say your kid has been treating me like I’m the root of all childhood ills all day, and I punish them. Or even just stop being Fun Nanny and start being Sad Sleeper. I think it’s for no reason. And then I find out it’s because they over heard you and your husband’s violent argument and threats of divorce the night before. Fine. But ideally, I should have some idea of what’s going on with these kids that I’m still getting to know. And I’m gonna be pissed. Just sayin’. So, in summary,

5. There’s no communication or clear boundaries. I have tons of responsibility, and ridiculously little power or control. No matter how hard I try, when it’s wrong it’s my fault, when it’s right it’s your success. The one time I screw something up, your beady little eyes are all over it, when I did 40,000 other things right, and went the extra mile, you’re way to distracted to notice. And what kind of person really messes up something that’s important to a child’s well being? A moron if it’s me, a human if it’s a parent. It's true that part of my job is to fit my schedule to yours, but I'm not trying to mold my life around yours. You forget that I have a life outside of your children. There are friends and family I want to spend time with.

I’m caught in the middle, a bit of a scapegoat, and never get backed up for enforcing your ever changing rules. I’m expected on a daily basis to pull off the things even you can’t get your kids to do. I’m an invasion of your privacy when I’m around, and you’re an invasion of mine when you think “I'm available” means that I can’t really expect to have a life outside of your family. If your kids love me, I’m undermining your parenting. If they hate me, I must be horrible.

But it’s not your fault, and it’s not mine. It’s natural, it’s the nature of the beast, it’s unavoidable and totally tolerable. But worst of all? I’m a 24 year old feminist, and sometimes I think I care way to much if some random middle aged couple is going to notice that I buffed their stupid granite counter tops to a perfect shine, and that’s just sick.