This has been a long time in the making

This has been a long time coming. I've tried to make sure that I have handled this entire thing with as much dignity and maturity as possible. But, apparently that isn't going to work. He's been lying about everything and causing way more drama than is necessary.

I've finally moved out. After five and a half years in this relationship, two and a half of which I have been married, I decided to leave. I realized that I can't be with someone that is not only an alcoholic, but also extremely abusive. It has been a long time coming but I have finally gotten strong enough to realize that I don't need this. I've been draggin my feet since July on finalizing the divorce, but I do not need to put up with someone that treats me like this.

Many people won't understand why I was willing to put up with someone that is abusive for so long, especially when this behavior started five years ago. I can't really explain why I've been willing to put up with all of these outbursts. Maybe its because this was such a huge part of my childhood. Maybe I just didn't think I deserved anything better. I can't really say why I've stuck through this. But I've finally realized it is time to walk away.

This hasn't been a decision that I made over night. I've put up with being hit more times than I can count. I've become way too good at making up excuses and covering up bruises and cut lips. I had to deal with getting chased out of my house in fear for my life more than once. I've even put up with Austin sleeping with one of my coworkers while I was sleeping down the hall. I've been dealing with the fact that I know that he will violate my privacy because he is insecure and jealous. I've dealt with him getting upset that I finally reached out for help for my anxiety and various other issues.

The past few weeks have really been pretty terrible. While he has known for months that this is happening, I think he actually realized that this was real. He didn't believe me since I have let him get away with so much without being able to stand up for myself. He has been breaking into my phone, reading my text messages and emails, calling people from my phone, harassing me and my friends nonstop, and all in all making life unbearable. He's even had another friend of his harassing me and another friend of mine. I've even had him yell at me that I'm too focused on myself because I've been taking medication and seeing professionals to get treatment and help.

I know I wouldn't have been strong enough to ever go out on my own if I hadn't started getting help. I know that I probably would have never actually gone through with a divorce and just stayed there forever. I know that I have made amazing progress in these last few months and I can do this. I know that I am not alone. I know that I do not deserve this. I can make it on my own.

I've been a bit surprised by the reaction that people have had when I've told them in the past few days that I've finally had enough. For the most part, people have been incredibly supportive. The general reaction from my friends have been that they are not surprised by his actions nor that we're getting a divorce. Most people are more surprised that we've been together as long as we have (and that I've let him get away with all of this and never involved the police). But there are two friends, Dan and Mel, that have shown themselves to not be friends at all. They not only condone Austin's behavior, but don't want me to leave him. I guess this has been an eye opening experience as to who my really friends are. I've realized how amazingly supportive most people are. I've also realized that some people are really just friends of convenience.

But I don't have to put up with this anymore. I have a new place. I have a new life. I have a new beginning.

And I can't wait to see what comes next.

I don't care if everyone reads this or no one reads this. Its time the truth came out.