I hate concerts but love music

So, I was reading this post on Books of Adam the other day and I really understand where he's coming from about the whole concert thing.

I would suggest giving it a read because its hilarious. If you don't feel like doing that, the first part is pretty much how he doesn't like going to concerts and why. And you know what, save for a few bands and specific venues, I completely agree. Some people might realize that a lot of the reasons they don't like doing something are for the same reason he doesn't really see the point of a concert. It's why I don't like most sporting events. But concerts, I dislike concerts for a different reason. I'm claustrophobic and I have to deal with social anxiety.

If I'm going to be going to a concert, I have to spend a few hours mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'm going to be interacting with strangers for the night. Or I drink to avoid a panic attack. Usually I spend a few hours mentally preparing myself, feel a panic attack starting to creep in on me while at a show so I drink. A lot. And this really isn't a healthy thing to do because 1). It's bad to drink heavily and 2). It doesn't really solve the problem and has sometimes (read that as 'a lot of the times') backfired. That's why I try to stick to outdoor shows and venues (here in Dallas two of my favorite venues are Gexa and LaGrange). Even at a sold out show you don't ever feel like it's sold out because it's so open. In these places, I don't have to worry too much about interacting with other people or getting claustrophobic. I wish all venues were like them...

I went to a concert a couple weeks ago at a venue I love and I've never had problems with before. The venue itself is great and open and had great sound and I've seen some great bands play there. This concert though, I almost had a panic attack and I ended up leaving halfway through the headlining act, something that has never happened to me at this venue. I've been to a few sold-out shows at this venue and never had a problem, but this show was different. Maybe it was due to the fact that at other shows people generally crowded the stage. Maybe it was because this was a much older crowd than usual. I don't know honestly. I just know it was insanely loud from people talking to each other and yelling to each other over the music and extremely packed. And halfway through the headlining set I started to have a panic attack. It really sucked.

I'm planning on going to another show to this venue in a little less than a month. If it were anyone else I wouldn't go, just because it was a really fucking terrible experience. But I love this band. And I love the ten people that I always see at their shows. I couldn't imagine missing them because I've never missed them when they've come to Dallas and I don't plan to start now. But now I'm really kind of dreading going just because I freaked out and had a panic attack. I know, logically, that just because it happened one time does not mean it will happen another time I go. I know, logically, that I've been fine every other show I've been to there and will probably be fine this next time. Somehow this doesn't matter and every time I think about this, I start to freak out again. It really, really sucks.

Its really a very frustrating thing since I really love music. There are a lot of concerts that I've gone to that I had a great time and really enjoyed myself. Sadly, that isn't the case most of the time. There's something really great about going to a show and singing along with a band while they play songs you love while you and 500 other people sing along. There's something great about going to a concert and being around people that you otherwise have nothing in common with, just that you love this music. I've met a few people at a couple shows that are great people that I would never have met otherwise. It's beautiful how something as simple as a song can bring so many people together, even if for only a few hours.

I love music, but why do I constantly feel the need to try and go to concerts when there's a 50/50 chance I'll be miserable and/or freak out? Does anyone else put themselves into situations they hate just for something they love? Or am I the only one that puts myself through this kind of thing?