I have got to stop doing this to myself

I've never been the kind of person that gets overwhelmed. Even with school, work, ballet, and everything else happening in life, I've always been pretty good about keeping myself anchored. And on those few occasions that I do get overwhelmed, I turn into a stressed out psycho. Either that or I refuse to do any of the things I know need to be done. 

This past week, I've done the latter. 

Yes, I know I shouldn't have done it and putting everything off just leaves that much more work to do later, but I can't help it. Call it a character flaw. Shit happens. 

Why have I been so insanely busy this week as opposed to last week or the week before? Shouldn't I already have a good handle on my schoolwork due to the fact that Summer I is already halfway over? And shouldn't I have a good grasp on my responsibilities on this new job? And surely I must be relaxing knowing that I have fewer dance classes fewer days of the week, right? Well, no. 

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I spent all day from 8:00 until 5:00 at an insurance licensing course. Why? Because I need to be licensed by TDI (the Texas Department of Insurance) in order to work for this company. In order to get licensed, I needed to attend this three day cram course and learn all about insurance in order to pass a test covering information that I will never use again. And since I took this course this week, I wanted to take the test as soon as possible. Sadly, "as soon as possible" meant I either take it 

1. Three weeks from now on a weekday
2. At a testing center over an hour and a half away
3. Take it on Saturday at 8:00

I decided to go with Option 3 and take it at 8:00 and hope that I get done in time to get to my 9:00 ballet class. Also, this test has a 52% successful pass rat. Knowing that and the fact that I've worked in insurance for less than a month makes me very confident in this.... When I've had dance until 9:30 two days this week, that doesn't leave much time to actually look at this material and study.

Then there's school, oh school.... I shouldn't have let everything creep up on me like this, but I have. With this stupid licensing class and test, I've not done any of my actual school work. I can just hear the dings my GPA is taking by me not really doing any work. I have two tests and four quizzes that I have to have done by Saturday, but I honestly feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to do it all. In a few weeks, I get to start Summer II and I get to worry about two more classes and if they're going to interfere with the rest of my life.

But at least I can relax and not worry about buying a home and packing and moving at the end of August... No, I do. Since Austin and I have made the decision to buy a house and our lease is up in August, we're in the middle of trying to find a home. As a child, I only had to worry about if I liked the yard, which room I wanted, and what color I wanted my room to be. Now, I've come to see that buying a house is a very long, complicated process. And, we have to make sure we find a house we actually like. I refuse to just settle on a house because we feel like we need to pick one now. 

The smart thing to do would be to prioritize and take a breath. But I guess I just like to make things complicated. I've refused to so much as look at any of my textbooks, look at starting the packing process, or so much as write a decent blog post. Now, I know I can't do that any more. I've got to stop ignoring my list and start getting things done. 

If I don't, there's a very real chance I might have an anxiety attack just from this process of look at my list, ignore my list.