Bridesmaid Expectations

One of my closest friends, Mel, is in the midst of planning her wedding and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. I, of course, was delighted and immediately agreed. She was part of my wedding party two years ago and I couldn't wait to be a part of hers.

I then realized something: I don't know what to do. I know how to be a bride. I know how to plan a wedding. I don't know how to be a bridesmaid.

When I was planning my wedding, I didn't want to burden my friends with the stuffing envelopes, making seating arrangements, or even organizing big bachelorette parties. I didn't require them to go with me to every fitting. I picked a color and told them as long as their dresses were all in similar length and that color, they could decide among themselves what dresses they wanted. I didn't want them to follow me around during the reception or help me go to the bathroom. I wanted them to be able to have fun and enjoy themselves. I wanted them to be a part of my wedding but I also knew that I was the one that was getting married so it was my job to get everything ready. They weren't hired help - these are my friends.

Now, as I am on the other side, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I, of course, took to Google in order to figure out what a bridesmaid is. I've read a couple articles about what you're supposed to do in order to be a "good" bridesmaid and I'm just floored by the way some brides treat their friends. I completely disagree that as a bridesmaid, we're expected to be "willing servants to do her bidding." If a bride has a train on her dress, wouldn't it be bustled so why would anyone need to follow the bride around carrying it? If the bridesmaids are supposed to be getting ready for the wedding, how are they expected to run errands for the bride on the big day? The more I read about what my "duties" are as a bridesmaid, the less I know what I'm supposed to do. Am I actually expected to act as a servant for the next year or however long the planning process takes?

Maybe it is because I truly did not want to burden my own bridesmaids that I have such a jaded view as to what the role of bridesmaid means. I want to be able to be there and lend a hand when I can. I want to be able to help organize the shower and/or bachelorette party. But am I expected to truly be a "servant" during this entire process? Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it. After all, I didn't have all of these requirements and demands.

I know planning a wedding is stressful and it can change a bride's perspective. I've been there. But I have to trust that Mel won't be one of those brides. And, really, if she does, I know I'll stick through it because she's a great friend and we will be after this whole party planning is over. 

Day 24: Whatever Tickles Your Fancy

Today is going to be all about the wedding. With the five month mark only a couple days away, I'm starting to get a little stressed out. I feel like there is so much to do with almost no time to do it all!

First on my list of annoyances, I can't seem to get my last bridesmaid to order her dress. She, too, seems to have disappeared. Since the latest we can order them is December 14th, I'm starting to freak out a little. I don't want to turn into "that bride" but I'm thinking I might just have to call her and tell her to order it now...

Now to the flowers... For as long as I can remember, I've wanted simple centerpieces with simple bouquets. Now, I'm starting to think that this might not be the right way to go. I had originally told my florist that I wanted small centerpieces of rose.the more I think about our reception, the more I think that this is a bad idea. The room is extremely tall and there is a gorgeous fountain in the background that would make short centerpieces look... Well, odd. So I'm think maybe birds of paradise would work better....It would also mean that I would have to change all of my bouquets and boutonnieres, but I think that t would end up looking better. I've yet to talk to my florist about the change, I'm going to email her today, so I don't even know if its a feasible project. But I'm thinking maybe something like this:

My bouquet would look something like this, just not as much... stuff in it

Bridesmaid bouquet

Groom and groomsmen boutonniere

Another idea for the bouquets that I really like

And the centerpieces

I'm hoping she'll tell me that it would be totally fine and we can do it for less (which wont happen, I know that already), but I'm not holding my breath on it. I just think that it would add a lot more to the space... The only thing stopping us now is that little thing called money...

I'm a bridesmaid down... And I think I'm okay with that.

This past Saturday, I went with Melanie to get her measured and order her dress since I got a call letting me know the my MOH dress was in. I thought it would be a nice idea to invite Amelia to come along since she does live in town and it would be nice to go ahead and get her dress ordered. I hadn't heard much from Amelia in the past couple of months, but we had been talking about having a girl's night soon. I figured this quick little outing would give us time to plan something.

Apparently I was wrong. Amelia told me that she was no longer interested in being part of the wedding party.

I wont go into too much detail, but there is a bit of a back story... We had gone over to her apartment a couple of months ago and had proceeded to get absolutely shit faced drunk. Something was said at some point in the night and Austin and I got into a drunk fight. We were yelling at each other about something probably inconsequential, but it happened. Because of the copious amounts of alcohol consumed, everything was blown waaaay out of proportion.The next morning, we're all sober and Austin and I head home. We both felt pretty dumb about fighting over pretty much nothing and making such a scene. Amelia didn't call or anything and we didn't hear from here for about two months. I figured it was because she was trying to start a find a new job and was going to move into a bigger apartment in the complex she lives in. No worries, I know I don't have to be the center of anyone's life.

Well, last Saturday rolls around and I hadn't heard much from Amelia and I thought things were fine. Instead of just a simple "Yes, I can go" or "No, I have other plans" she decides to go into this long rant about how she doesn't feel comfortable around Austin and would therefore not be a part of the wedding. I was extremely hurt by this and didn't know the proper way to respond, so I thought about it all day and tried to figure out how to respond. I tried calling her to talk it over like adults, but she never would answer.So I decide to text her since that is obviously the only way to communicate with this girl.

As the night wears on, she begins to drunkenly inform me how little she thinks of my fiance and of me since I"m choosing to stay with some sooo awful.Really? You saw us have one drunken fight and you feel you have all of the authority to judge our relationship? I don't think so. And so she continues. Not just texting me at this point, but texting Austin telling him how awful he is, texting Dan telling him he's a horrible person... It was just ridiculous. After a point, I decided to turn off my phone because I was tired of reading texts that were paragraphs long about how my fiance is a horrible person and I'm an idiot for staying with him. I was tired of reading them and tired of trying to talk to her because at this point she was actign so self righteous and it was pissing me off.

The next morning when I woke up, I had quite a few texts that continued to berate me and tear Austin down. After about six messages, I finally got to one where she said she wasn't going to talk about it any more and she really wanted to get some sleep. (I still don't understand why she felt the need to tell me that since she had been texting me for about an hour and I had my phone off and was therefor not responding...) When Austin woke up, he had another series of texts that continued to harass him. He repsonded with (what I feel was a totally reasonable) "Fuck you" and left it at that. So she continues on her rampage and he isn't responding to anything she's saying at this point because it is THE NEXT DAY! He wanted to leave it be and not deal with it but apparently some people don't like to step away from a situation when things are spiraling out of control and everyone is mad.

I try to call her a couple times throughout the day, but she is constantly ignoring my calls. I wanted to be able to have an actual conversation and not send out text messages trying to work through this issue. I was still trying to work things out with her.

Finally, Monday rolls around and I can finally get her on the phone. She wouldn't let me even try to talk. Every time I would try to say anything, she would talk over me and finally started yelling and screaming at me. Apparently she felt that I was weak, stupid, insecure, etc for staying with a guy that treats me extremely well and loves me. Right. That makes sense.... Finally, after about ten minutes of her refusing to let me talk and her yelling, she starts screaming. There were no words, just unintelligible screaming. So I hung up on her.

I then went to my desk (because she decided to do this in the middle of the day while I was at work) and defriended her on facebook and twitter and blocked her on both. About five minutes after this happened, she decided to leave me a voicemail telling me not to contact her ever again.

Yes, things were said on all sides that should not have been said. I wont pretend like everyone acted like adults. But for someone to spend a good three days trying to convince me how awful my fiance is and try to get me to break things off with him is unforgivable. And then to have her act like she did absolutely nothing wrong the entire time makes it worse. I was trying to let her know that yes, we all had acted rashly. But she wouldn't have me telling her that she did anything wrong. She would continually complain about how she was "sexually harassed" at work, but she would never do anything about it. And apparently she's a better person than I am when I'm being "abused". Right...

So all of this boils down to the fact that Amelia will no longer be one of my bridesmaids. And I really couldn't be happier about that.

We're in wedding overdrive!

The past couple of weeks have been a very busy time for both Austin and I. Not only have we been spending more time than usual with his family after the recent passing of his grandfather, but we've also been working on all of the little details for the wedding as well as putting in as many extra hours at work.

That's right, Austin is finally starting to get more interested in the wedding and is actually starting to help out. I guess once we passed the seven month mark, he realised that things were getting closer. I'm glad he's starting to take some interest in the wedding, because (unlike most brides) its OUR wedding, not just mine.

Austin looked over the only proposal that we've gotten from the four florists I've met with and we weren't too excited over what she had outlined. And since it has taken the other florists more than three weeks to even get us a proposal, I kindly let them know that we had decided to use another company's services. After all, if they can't get us a proposal in a decent time frame, do we really want to trust them with our wedding? I think not. Our wonderful photographer has gotten us in touch with a florist that she has worked with in the past and highly recommends, so we will be meeting with her this weekend. We think the meeting we have set up on Saturday will go very well... Fingers crossed!!

Last Saturday I went with one of my bridesmaids, Melanie, to order her dress and to pick up my Maid of Honour's dress. Two more things checked off the list! We also heard from another bridesmaid, Amelia, and she informed me that she was no longer interested in being in the wedding party (more on that later). Now all we need is for Callie to order her dress and all of the ladies will be set, dress wise that is.

Austin has really started to think about who he wants to stand next to him (finally). He had already picked out one groomsman, Dan, and his Best Man, but was still working on the final guys. I thinks he's got it narrowed down and he should be able to give me names by Monday. Yay! He has also started to look into what they will wear and, yes with my input, decided this week. The guys will all be wearing a basic black tux with a cobalt tie and vest. Now the hard part will be to find a vest and tie that are the right shade of cobalt.

I have been able to finalize all of the information for the hotel blocks recently. I was happy to get all of that finished, now we have to figure out where we would like to stay for the wedding night... Decisions, decisions... Since that was all finalized, I did get all of the accommodation cards printed and put together, another thing checked off of our to-do list!

I have been talking with a friend of Austin's mom who is a top notch designer and has graciously offered to help us with the decor for the ceremony and reception. Its been a bit of a hassle, but hopefully we'll be able to get a time nailed down when she can come down to the Infomart and take a look around and give us her professional opinion on how things should look.

Well, that seems to be all of the wedding planning we've been working on lately. It might not seem like much, but we can finally see things coming together!