The problem with growing up in a conservative society is that it’s kind of a given that you’re going to confuse lust with love at some point. That you’ll tell yourself it’s love, because love is what you’re supposed to want. That lust isn’t something you should settle for. That love should be your only motivation.
When they kiss you, you think about the first kiss at the end of a rom-com. You think of the final scene to show the viewers that this is the start of your happy ending.
When you take your shirt off in front of them, the walls you have built up around yourself start to crumble, little by little. You think that you could love them. They could love you.
When their hands run across your body, you think about how much they care. You think about how they will be there for you. Forever, you think. Forever, you hope.
You stare into their eyes, you see desire. You see them wanting you. You fall in love.
And you fall in love every night. You fall further and further in love. Until one day, they stop.
They stop calling. They never respond to texts. You never bump into them in common places anymore. For whatever reason, they stop. They have no problem stopping while you’re left wondering what happened to your forever. And you realize, maybe this wasn’t love.
It happens, you know. It’s easy to conflate the two. After all, we live in a society that values one over the other. But really, each have their place. Each are crucial for us to survive. Ideally, you’ll just have a little bit of both. It’s about finding that balance.
So when you’re broken-hearted in your room crying, you don’t have pictures of café dates to delete from Facebook, you have photos of them sleepy-eyed on your bed to delete from your phone. You don’t have tales of romantic Valentine’s Day dinners to share, you have the memory of their body against yours to forget. You don’t have an ex to cry over, you learnt a lesson that everyone else learnt years before you did; that sex and love are not, in any way, synonymous.
When they kiss you, you think about the first kiss at the end of a rom-com. You think of the final scene to show the viewers that this is the start of your happy ending.
When you take your shirt off in front of them, the walls you have built up around yourself start to crumble, little by little. You think that you could love them. They could love you.
When their hands run across your body, you think about how much they care. You think about how they will be there for you. Forever, you think. Forever, you hope.
You stare into their eyes, you see desire. You see them wanting you. You fall in love.
And you fall in love every night. You fall further and further in love. Until one day, they stop.
They stop calling. They never respond to texts. You never bump into them in common places anymore. For whatever reason, they stop. They have no problem stopping while you’re left wondering what happened to your forever. And you realize, maybe this wasn’t love.
It happens, you know. It’s easy to conflate the two. After all, we live in a society that values one over the other. But really, each have their place. Each are crucial for us to survive. Ideally, you’ll just have a little bit of both. It’s about finding that balance.
So when you’re broken-hearted in your room crying, you don’t have pictures of café dates to delete from Facebook, you have photos of them sleepy-eyed on your bed to delete from your phone. You don’t have tales of romantic Valentine’s Day dinners to share, you have the memory of their body against yours to forget. You don’t have an ex to cry over, you learnt a lesson that everyone else learnt years before you did; that sex and love are not, in any way, synonymous.
Your right Love and Lust are not synonymous with one another, but that doesn't mean you can't have both. You don't have to settle for one or the other, or for guys who only want you, and not want to be there for you. On the flip side its fine to want someone just to have sex with them. Be honest and up front about it, and know that sometimes, it stops just being about sex, and one of you could end up broken hearted.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many people today, men and woman, but mostly men, who do not care what kind of damage they leave in their wake. Its about satisfying their own needs, and lovers are disposable. They'll use you until they get bored, and move on. They'll say whatever they think you want to hear to get what they want, because they don't care if they hurt you.
Love is hard to find, Lust isn't. Lust with honesty can be rewarding in its own way, and help us release primal urges, relieve stress, or just to make us feel wanted. Lust, fueled by selfishness and lies, even if those lies are only to ourselves, is destructive. Instead of feeling wanted, we wind up feeling rejected. Instead of relieving stress, we stress ourselves worrying about why don't they feel the way I do.
Your young, beautiful, and you seem to have a great personality. Don't let life drag you down. Know that, yes there will be hard times, and from reading this blog, I'm guessing you've had more then your fair share. Life gets better, even if it doesn't work out the way you want it to. The trick is finding those moments and people who make you happy and holding onto them for as long as you can. They won't always last, but at least they happened.
I'll be honest, I don't know you, other then what you've posted to this blog. I've never met you in person, but I know your brave, but at times you feel lost and unsure. Lonely, and confused why you feel doubt about the decisions you've made. You are not alone though. The decision you made to leave, is never an easy one, I know because I've had to make it. But I didn't have the strength to make it as early as you did. I waited to long and almost let it cost me the ones I care about most in this world.
I hope things start to work out for you, try not to get bogged down by the negatives of life and relationships. You seem to be a strong and beautiful independent young woman, who could really use a reminder of that for those times when you get lost in your own head.
So for those moments when you are doubting yourself, hopefully you'll remember that one time some strange guy felt really compelled to tell you how Awesome you are, and know that it would be impossible not to notice you. Oh, and one last thing, your TARDIS hoodie dress looked really cool.